A
female
age
30-35,
*bhdt x
writes:Please help i am really confused! Last year during the summer season I had a bit of a thing with a guy I work with it was just sex and i knew that there was nothing more in it and i stopped it in the end as i felt i was beginning to have feelings for him and i knew it wasn't really what either of us wanted at the time. I have been talking to him all winter and i would say we have become pretty close but now i am back and see him every day i feel myself wanting to be with him again and its driving me insane because i know that it could never work between us and in my head i don't really want to be with him but my heart is saying a completely different thing!! He has mentioned a few times that we should go out for a drink and i keep thinking of excuses as i just don't know what to do?! I know he is a bit of a player and i really don't want to end up getting hurt, what should i do?!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 It's not your heart wanting to be with him.... It's a bit lower.. like your libido.
LISTEN to your head and USE common sense. YOU already know what kind of guy he is. HE isn't going to change, nor will he become this super guy "if only" you care enough....
Learn to stand up for yourself. Tell him no, I don't want drinks with you because I don't want this to go any further.
It IS OK to say no. Or... no, thanks.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (5 May 2015):
 Follow your skeptical side and let this one go. He got involved with you not because he wanted you but because he just wanted sex with you. He is now talking to you and inviting you for drinks for the same reason. Just because he is using the soft tone it does not mean he harbors any other feelings then sex.
If you want a relationship with a guy you have to set that as a priority from the get go. Getting involved for sex then switching into "feelings" mode will not work in most cases because the guy never seen you as "feelings" from the get go. You were just sex, period.
So your gut is right. Get someone else to have drinks with.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2015):
 What should you do? You know that it's going to end in heartbreak for you. Just stop the 'talking to him.' Whatever that means. Does that mean he's been flirting and keeping you on the hook or something?
Maybe this is just something you have to learn the hard way. A life lesson.
It's up to you, you aren't totally driven by your hormones, are you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): I would say go for a drink with him and see what he has to say. If he starts coming across a bit more seriously, then watch and see. Your instinct will tell you if he is just after sex again, but since you have got to know each other a bit better now, he may be taking a different stance and seeing you in a different light. Hopefully!! Go out and find out. You will get your answer. If he stars with sex talk say 'well thanks for the drink, see you tommorow at wprk. Have a nice evening' and leave and be supercool at work and forget anything with him
Act professional and go cold turkey on him as you don't want him leading you a merry dance for the next however long and you will get hurt. You'll be fine. Just trust your gut and be strong!! Good luck
Xc
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): Then listen to what your mind tells you, and ignore your heart.
You know he's a player, and your fascination with him is based on that. You see him as a challenge, and want to see if there is anyway you can "change him." There is always a fascination for the "bad-boys," and those guys most likely to break your heart. It's pretty dumb to ignore common-sense; already knowing the outcome, before deliberately making a mistake.
You see him everyday at work. So what? Is he supposed to fall-off the planet; because you can't control your feelings? Don't say you can't. You haven't tried. You can look for another job; or practice some self-control.
This is a test. An exercise in self-control and using your logic and common-sense; and not letting your hormones and vagina do the thinking for you. You also have to learn how to conduct yourself in a professional-way; even when conditions are uncomfortable for you on the job. You will constantly meet young men where you work, and you may find them attractive. You're going to have to learn not to date where you work; for the very reason you're writing your post. You now can't separate your personal-life from your professional-life.
You're not a little girl anymore. So now the woman has to takeover, and force you to use some self-discipline. You both work in the same place. He is a player, and only wants what's under your skirt, and could care less about anything else from you. You pretended you were just fooling around and it was just about casual-sex. The truth is, you were crushing on him long before that; and may have used sex as bait. Nothing good comes of such starts with people.
If you don't want to get hurt, than gain control over your feelings and don't set yourself up to get hurt.
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