A
male
age
30-35,
*manmcc
writes:I asked many questions about my ex girlfriend cheating on me and leaving me for another guy after our 8 year relationship. Now looking back i can see how pathetic and broken i was when i look at my previous questions. It has been a year and four months since the split and i believe shes still with that guy not that it matters. I Havent talked to her in at least 6 months and have no intent on it. I dont think about her as often but i still think of her at least once a day but it is usually shrugged off with some swearing and hatetful thoughts twards her. My question is when will I stop caring about this situation? I feel as if ive hit a wall and to be honest its extremely exhausting to have so much pent up hate. I have at least 3-6 bursts of rage a week over this. Sometimes i have to clench my fists or even punch something (not destructively) to make me feel better. Is there something i have forgotten that i should be doing? I also have this terrible wish that bad things happen to her, like he cheats on her for example and that is really not like me to wish bad things on people but i just cant shake it. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): It sounds like you are still hurting.My advice is to keep busy, busy, busy. When the same happened to me, I joined sports club, took up new sports, started volunteering and met up with friends (who did not know my ex) to keep me occupied.I also realised that I was angry because I had believed my ex was a certain type of person, that he was loyal, faithful, honourable. Once I realised that I was wrong, that I had mistakenly thought he was all of the above and he simply wasn't, I was able to start moving on. My expectations of him were wrong. He was not loyal or faithful, so did not act in such a way. I also had so many questions but realised that I could not get answers from him. We were not talking and even if we were, it would be more excuses. So I came to my own peace. And my own closure.I also realised that my self esteem had been crushed, once I started meeting new people I started to feel better about life and myself. Good luck and I hope you get the peace you seek.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 if after 6 months you are still dragging around such rage and hatred you are not done processing your pain.
I really am a huge believer in working things like this through with a competent therapist who can help you find skills and methods to cope with the pain, anger and disappointment.
the first thing is... I'm wondering if you are angry at her or at yourself. do you think... IF I had just done something differently this wouldn't have happened?
if so you are wrong... what she did was not personal and not about what you did or did not do...
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 March 2013):
 i think what you went through was devistating and heartbreaking. who could blame you for being crushed? it was your girlfriend of 8 years. probably someone you expected to spend your life with. and she back stabbed you. i'm sure you weren't pathetic for the questions you asked. i'm sure they were just like any other person who experienced such loss and heartache
i think you should consider counseling. not because there's anything wrong with you. but because you're clearly not learning how to work through this in a healthy manner. bursts of rage and violent outbursts (destructive or not) are definitely not healthy for you. i think you need to sit down and work through your issues and hurt with someone professional. this way you can get to the bottom of what really is hurting the most and keeping you from moving on. and it'll get to the bottom of what is causing all of your rage. is it the breaking of trust? the deception? talking about how you feel is key to working through your issues so that you can know how to work past them. without knowing the cause, how can you fix the problem? it's like a broken down car. you can't make it function again without first getting a diagnosis of what's causing the problem.
i know most men can't stand talking about their feelings. and to an extent, even as a woman, i hate doing it, myself. i like to keep things inside and hold them in. i suspect (may be wrong) that this is what you've done, also. but with something so damaging, it's doing nothing but killing you from the inside out. and stress has significant negatie effects to the body and health.
anyway, that's my two cents. hope this helps. by the way, no one has to know you go to counseling. just sayin. :)
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