A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi all ive been with my husband for 14 years and have 3 children together. weve had some really difficult times together and last year i tried to end our marriage because i felt there was no spark anymore and that it felt athough we were just brother and sister. anyway we managed to stay together and he is now trying to do things around the house more and do more with the kids which was one of the problems in our marraige. another thing that is bothering me is that he rarely pays me any attention rarely wants sex and when i ask him about this he just says he loves me deep down and is quite happy for things to be this way we are both attractive people but i know he isnt cheating or anything like that. but now the problem is me im now 32 and seem to attract a lot of attention from men and i know its wrong but i cant stop obsessing about having sex with other men i know deep down i cant because its wrong but how do i stop thinking about it. i still feel young and attractive and feel like im missing out. any advice would be great and anyone else in this situation and what did you do about it? xx
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female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (23 March 2008):
 You need to get the sparkle back in your marriage and your husband needs to start appreciating you sexually. All marriages do through problems, i know myself, it is a case of sticking in there and communicating. Its great that your husband is helping more around the house and doing more with the kids. Now you need to work on your love life.
It is very common to think about having sex with someone else especially if you are going through a rough patch,
you will attract attention of other men, it makes you feel good and why not. But having an affair most definately is not the answer, you would regret it bitterly and it will destroy your marriage. Remember what first attracted you to your husband and try to recreate that with him, tell him how you feel. My husband drives me nuts at times and we do have bad patches and i probably drive him mad, but i adore him and the good times far outweigh the bad.
Talk to your husband, do it for yourself, him and most importantly your kids. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): I have the exact same feelings as you do. I am a 40 year old man who has 3 children and is married for 15 years to a wonderful woman. The problem is that I feel like we are friends/partners/roomates and not mates. Intimacey is extremely important and I cannot live without it. I though am the one who just doesn't feel it...shes up for anything but the chemistry is just not there, and as I look back I realize that from my end, it never has been. Affairs are not the way to go. If you cannot work it out and get to a place where it is a win-win then in the long run you will not survive the relationship. It is about you and your mate, period. Not the kids, the money, the activities, the routine...it is about you and him. It either works or it doesn't. Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): I sympathize with you. I wanted sex with my wife, but I get the feeling she has a long list of grievances and chores for me to do. I have also learned that it doesn't matter how many of these chores I do for her, something always comes up: headache, you have sex on the brain etc etc. Well now, I don' even bother, and I'd say were worse then brother and sister, more like uncle and niece.She expects me to initiate, but after so many rejections, I no longer care.I can't say what is going on in your husbands head or even why. Either he has a similar problem as I where he feel mistrusted, or he has a medical condition and is a fraid of performing. Not sure how old your kids are, but my wife has tipped toed around are kids, avoided sex because they were in the house. I haven't asked or had sex for almost a year now.You mentioned no spark, I will guess and ask you to think about this: do you expect him to perform, such as plan romantic settings; initiate sex; have turned him down etc? I know our lives changed when the kids arrived, both of us became busy with them, I busy with work, and she busy at home, cooking, cleaning (somewhat). I feel there is a reason why he is the way he is. He maynot be willing to talk as much anymore because he may feel he will be pounced on. I know I've tried to talk to my wife, share my my feelings, and she's either attacked them for being ridiculous, or immature, but hey, they are my feelings. Like my wife, doesn't share her inner, deeper feelings, and I recognize her mother in her, which she felt she was owed, no matter her valuable or unvaluavle input she gave.Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Basically, you need to come to the decision whether you are happy spending the rest of your life with someone who, although is making an effort around the house and with the kids, is like your brother. Sex isn't everything but it sure helps! If you stay with your husband, life with him will be comfortable, but you won't get that spark or passion that you crave.
Maybe you should tell your husband how you feel - if he isn't willing to satisfy you sexually, why should you stay faithful to him? If he isn't going to make the effort to work at all the areas where you are unhappy, maybe you should pursue your feelings for other men.
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