A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with this guy for 2 years, he's divorced 2 kids. I did not want to date divorced guys with baggage but I couldn't seem to be getting anywhere fast so I went out with him after meeting via internet dating which I started because I hadn't been on a date for such a long time after my breakup and I wanted to show myself and the world I still could 'get a guy'. Slept with him first date for the same reason.Now I don't like to sleep with him, I don't like all the hassles with ex problems and I don't like his financial problems. He is fun and kind and intelligent but I started this for the wrong reasons and it has backfired on me. He loves me very much and is planning our future together. I know I should break up with him but I am such a coward I can't face it so I just carry on and he thinks nothing is wrong.What can I do - I feel so bad about this.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 So he wasn't the "right" fit for you, doesn't mean you have to stay with him. End it with him, the sooner the better. Take some time to figure out WHAT/WHO you want from a BF/partner and work on that.
Sometimes we make mistakes, but they are only really mistakes if we don't learn from them. So next time, don't act out of low self esteem or desperation.
Think first, act later :)
He deserves a woman who can handle all his baggage and who WANTS to handle all that because it comes WITH him.
You deserve a less complicated man that you actually WANT to be with.
The longer you wait the more unbearable it is going to be for you and the more unfair for him & his kids. So put those big girl panties on and tell him that you don't see a furture for the two of you. End it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2011):
 you must be honest with him as soon as possible....
it's going to hurt him and you in the short term harder than if you drag it out and make it hurt longer long term.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): Just finish this, as soon as possible, its going to hurt him badly but you cannot keep leading him up the garden path and giving him false hope.
Its part of growing up, being an adult. Set him and yourself free.
Now.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 December 2011):
You need to end this now. You're in danger of massively hurting him, massively hurting his kids and destroying yourself if you don't end it. You know full well that you don't really love him, that you don't want to have sex with him. Also, his situation with other kids means that he might not have any with you.
The more time you put off what is inevitable, the worse it will be for you when it happens. You know you need to end it, otherwise a lot of people are going to get more and more involved and even more hurt when it does happen.
Please end it now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): you gonna have to feel bad about yourself and hurt him.
your guilt will be tempered by the fact you are out of a relationship you no longer want to be in.
eventually you will both meet someone else and you will permanently fade from each other's lives.
you also realise in the long term it is fairer on him to love someone who loves him back.
don't be hard on yourself but don't stay just to please someone else for the wrong reasons (ie. cowardice and not wanting to cause upset).
go and live the life you want and let him do the same but with someone else.
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