A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and probably my closest friends of the last 6 months have just started sleeping with each other. It just sort of happened. We have slept with each other twice in the last week and I am really staring to have feelings for her. However, I really get the impression she is actually interested in my housemate as we all used to work together and recently I moved position and they now hang out all the time. When she is over she is always looking at him and they are always seemingly flirting. I know it sounds paranoid and jealous but I was excited yesterday as I'd arranged to have dinner with her at hers thinking it would be just the two of us but when I got home I got a text from her asking if we could just hang out at mine as my they had already eaten and that my housemate had asked her to hang out so she didn't want to disappoint him. So...I went without dinner and spent the night awkwardly with them two wondering what to think whilst he flexed his muscles and did his exercises with her watching him. When he went to bed she cuddled up to me and when I asked if she wanted to sleep over she said no. But then we started kissing, we end up sleeping together and she seems very quiet after and says she wants to go home at about 3. I have now had a sleepless night getting myself worked up as I think I really like her but think I'd scare her off if I brought that up and think she left because she didn't want my (superior bodied and minded) housemate to know she had stayed. I think she is in it for the casual with me and wants my housemate but I now want something more serious with her.Should I say something? I feel like I've lost my best friend now (she hangs around and talks with my housemate more than me) as well as feeling dejected and sad....is there any hope with her?
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female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 You have to talk to her about it. Tell her what you want and then she will tell you what she wants.
If you tell her you want to be in a relationship together, you have to be prepared to move on and distance yourself if she says she's not interested.
She wanted to go home shortly after sleeping with you, signifying that she wishes she hadn't. And like you said, she seems to be more interested in your buddy.
I'm sorry, I know you don't want to lose her, but she doesn't feel the same. Keep your distance; avoid being in 3rd wheel-situations. Best of luck to you.
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