A
male
age
36-40,
*ove sucks
writes:I've known this girl for six years and we've always been really good friends. I always thought she was gorgeous and wanted to be more then friends with her. She started dating a friend of mine when she first got out of high school and they dated and lived together for about a year and a half. They split up about five months ago officially for the first time. She and I started seeing each other two or three weeks later. I was very good to her, whatever she wanted she had, it lasted about a month and she went back to her old boyfriend. She fooled around with several other people while she was with me, but she says we never "dated"..understood! We fooled around a little while they were together and in January they split again, saying he never changed and was still an asshole (which he is, completely broke her self esteem and was abusive physically). So she and I hang out just about every day, and she stays the night with me. On Valentine’s Day she finds out she is pregnant, and the time period fits the first time she and I started seeing each other again. She goes from excited… to stressed… to “oh shit”, but we will make it… to I want an abortion?? A week ago she went back to him and I haven't heard a thing from her since, not even about being pregnant, other than she went to the doctor and she gained three lbs, and will have an ultrasound soon. She knew she meant a lot and I was excited about her being pregnant and told her I'd be there for her either way. Come to find out it’s either mine or his or possibly a third person, don't know for sure about the third..I really don't want to cut and run yet because we have been friends for a very long time and always get along and never argue unless it was over him, or some other guy blowing her or being shady at times.I have never been like this over a woman and I’ve always been a jerk and got what I wanted with that, but with her I can't bring myself to be that way because I actually love her, and I know she cares. She and her boyfriend lived together and she did have a miscarriage last year with him. Only way I'm looking at it is she is confused and accustomed to the norm with him and afraid to step out of the box and give me an honest chance, even though she always said she’d never go back and talked down about him. Maybe I'm looking at it as a fool or could be looking at it from a wrong point of view. I’m just pissed and hurt and don't want to jump the gun and push her away completely. Anybody have any advice? It'll be appreciated.
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abortion, crush, period, self esteem, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, love sucks +, writes (8 March 2011):
love sucks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh there's no doubt about the paternity test,and I've tried to contact her once,other than that I haven't heard a thing from her in two weeks,everything I hear comes from one of her girlfriends who I met thru her,and I really don't hold much faith in her cuz I know how I am with my buddies..she is seeing him again and has told her dad that its his,but at the same time if she tells him its mine she knows damn well her family won't let her have a thing to do with him because they despise him..I've really thought and put time in order,and I really believe its mine...best I can figure is its seven weeks and some days..guess ill know when the ultrasound is done,still no sharp guarentee,just kills me how she can go from its yours to idk to its his in less then two weeks...wtf
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 "Only way I'm looking at it is she is confused and accustomed to the norm with him, and afraid to step out of the box and give me an honest chance, even though she always said she’d never go back and talked down about him". That sounds very plausible to me. No matter who she stays with, I would tell her you want a paternity test done on the baby once it is born and maybe get some advice from an attorney. I would hate for you to pay child support for 18 years for a child that is not even yours, or worse have years and years go by before you find out that the baby was actually your child and you walked away from them both without knowing if she and the baby were ok and taken care of.
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