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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am feeling really rubbish right now.I split up with my boyfriend of nearly 4 years three weeks ago and although we said in the near future we wanted to be friends we haven't spoke in about a week and I am really starting to miss him and want to talk to him.Things were not working out as I didn't really fancy him anymore so I didn't really want to have sex with him and we didn't seem to talk to each other a lot either. Also my family and friends thought he was rude and arrogant, as he often acted when around them. He also did not make me feel special which I think is important in a relationship, I think guys should make you feel on top of the world if they want to be with you and vice versa.I don't know if I am happy now with my decision and am feeling rather down. I have had a fight with two of my friends because of my bad state of mind and now I don't know if they will speak to me anymore. :( x
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (7 September 2006):
 I can almost understand but I have some questions. All these things that you accussed him of, did you ever talk to him about it? You said he didn't make you feel special anymore, did you try to spice things up yourself? Now, you said you miss him but is he only going to be filling a void left by the absence of your friends or by you not having anyone else? If thats the case then you would be using him only for this and thats not fair. He might now want to talk or communicate with you at this time. If this is true then he has that right. I mean you did break up with him. I suggest you give him a call or send him a text to say hi and see where it goes. If he's responsive then you talk and if not you have to give him the space which you allowed him to have. As for your friends, if they are real friends they won't be mad forever but you could stand to apologize. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (7 September 2006):
 Honey this is all part of the grieving process. When we finish a relationship, it is the end of a term on our lives and it take a whole lot of getting used to. It is classed sometimes as a loss as its something that we have become so used to for a long period of time. Your feeling a little lost yourself, maybe because you dont know what to do with your time at the moment and are indeed missing the relationship, missing being with someone and maybe not him that you are missing, but being part of something. You say yourself that he wasnt making you feel that good and you didnt fancy him, so you know it was the right decision as there is no point staying somewhere you are no happy. You just need time to adjust to being on your own and making your own happiness again. You are bound to be at a loss as 4 years is a long time to be with someone and then they are suddenly not there. Whoever ends the relationship there is always a period of did i do the right thing, i miss talking to them, what if etc etc.. but in your heart you know you didnt want to carry on feeling like that in your relationship and you simply grew apart, its clear that things were not going well from what you wrote, you are just missing being with someone, it happens no matter what the reason for the break up. Its only natural that you should want to talk to him, after all you must have been close at some point, and we do miss people when they are gone for the right or wrong reasons. If it helps talk to him and see if you can remain friends, but if you are doubting whether you made the right choice maybe sit back and reflect why you broke up in the first place before talking to him, you dont want to end up getting back with him just because you miss being part of something as you may find it harder to deal with if things dont pan out again. Relax a little and embark on some different things to take your mind off it for a while and see how you feel in a few weeks time, at the moment its raw and fresh im sure you didnt just end it on a whim, and you did put thougth into your actions.. let yourself be free for a while and see how you feel, as you get used to time on your own it wont feel so bad and you will start to feel that you can deal with things as they crop up. Speak to your friends, im sure if you explain to them they will be fine, your feeling off par and just need time to get back on track. You will start to feel better, it will just take a little time, take up jogging or something like that, a form of excercise does wonders for the body and mind and makes you feel a whole lot better. Do things that you enjoy and the feel good factor will slowly come back, try not to dwell and get out and make the world notice you!
Take care x x
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