A
female
age
30-35,
*ilish
writes:I've been with this guy for over a year now and at first everything was fine, it was a casual, fun relationship.However down the line, about 7 months, he turned into a different person. He started questionning me about my every move, questionning me about every guy friend i spoke to. One time he even held me down to get answers, and called me a 'childish little bitch'. I had scratchmarks on my arms after. He then realized what he did, and apologized.He constantly brings up my ex boyfriends too, saying I'm going back to them and he always texts me like 'have fun with them' and everything, when I'm not even going back to them.The other day, we split, and he came down to get his stuff back that I had at my house. He then said he had something to tell me and said it was important and he'd only tell me if i got in the car. So I got in and he suddenly sped off, saying he wasn't going to let me out unless I sorted things and got back with him. I told him to please let me out, and he was like 'why? you in a hurry to meet up with other guys are you?' Finally, he parked up, and I was able to get out. But he ran after me and grabbed me so hard so I couldn't go anywhere. And I kept telling him to please get off me. He finally let go and said 'fuck you then you cheap little slag'. I was gobsmacked. I'd never seen that side to him before. Once again, he apologized after.He blames me for the break up, saying it's all my fault when really he's the one who pushed me away being how he is. I feel like I can't breathe or have a life when I'm with him, as I'm only 17. I always used to tell him if he backed off being so clingy, everything would be fine, so it's not like i haven't tried speaking to him. But he still didn't change.I've had such good memories with this guy, and I'll be gutted to see him with someone else, but it's just not working is it? :/And Why are people like him so clingy?! Please tell me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): No, it isn't working and it's not worth salvaging. You broke up with him. He's an abuser and he has nothing important to say from here on out so don't allow yourself to be cornered into future discussions.The reason some people are like this is they believe they are too flawed for anyone to really love them. It's much easier and less painful for them to try to control a partner than it is to face ugly truths about themselves and invest any time or effort in fixing those flaws. Instead of inspiring people to stay, they resort to forcing them.Your boyfriend was charming at the beginning of your relationship because it was easier and because he had to be. His emotional investment in you was minimal and therefore, so too were the risks. And he knew it would have been too easy for you to leave. Only after several months could he feel reasonably safe that you would stick around no matter how badly you were treated.Insecure people don't have difficulty trusting others. It's themselves they don't trust.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): He has problems with jealousy and anger and would most likely be like this with anyone. It is probably stuff he is carrying from a past relationship or even childhood and he shouldn't blame you for everything.
I think you have done right to finish it. Don't get into a car with him again and if he is like this with you again tell him you will call the police, and do so.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 "I'll be gutted to see him with someone else"
Ummm, may I ask why? On 2 occasions he has shown aggression though violence and called you some horrendous names - You should be thinking thank god I escaped that one...
That's just the way some guys are, very insecure about what their girlfriend is doing, who they are meeting and where they are, it's hard to get out of that mindset when you've been in it for so long. At the end of the day, it's someone that you love, you want them to be faithful to you, so it's understandable, but he should have trusted you more and definately backed off when you told him to.
Forget about this guy, he's a waste of time and is no good for you, he has shown his true colours and to be blunt, you'd be stupid to go back with him.
Be strong and forget this guy! Good luck...
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