A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for reading, I know it's a novel! Sorry!!I met a guy on a dating/social website in May, and we started dating in July shortly there after, he asked if I would be his ‘girlfriend’ I didn’t see much point since I was moving in a month, but he said it meant a lot to him. We had a great serious relationship until I moved overseas in late September for a year-long work program. All summer we both knew I’d be leaving, but we never really talked about what would happen when I did. Before and after I moved, we both mentioned future plans for things we wanted to do when we saw each other next. Places we’d go, things we’d do, romantic things we’d try… etc. Same happy relationship talk as usual. Sometimes he’d joke about not wanting to know if I found a new guy, or not wanting to know details about any guys I met/hooked-up with abroad. I just played along with his jokes, not taking them very seriously. I think we both didn’t plan on “waiting” for each other during the whole year, but I wasn’t even thinking of that stuff yet, as I just moved away from him and obviously still have strong feelings for him. Besides, I am going home at Christmas, so I figured we stay together until then and have our ‘last hoorah’ at that time, or something.After 3 weeks of being abroad, I questioned him about several comments a new girl was writing on his MySpace profile. I just inquired in a light-hearted way, thinking a girl was flirting with him, but of course his heart was with me so I didn’t have to worry. His story was that he had just met the girl when he was out with friends one night, then met up with another time with the same friends… and she is very interested in him. I asked him if he met her on the dating website and he vehemently denied it. I forced it out of him that he is interested in her too. I was pretty heartbroken and shocked that he had met someone 2 weeks after I had been abroad. Meanwhile he was writing me long emails about how much he misses me and he is going crazy without me, can’t wait to see me again.. etc. I investigated and saw that she is indeed on the dating website, and had created her account right around the time he met her. (I don’t know why he’d lie about how he met her, we are very open about the dating website… So now I just don’t trust him.)I spoke with him on Instant messenger, and had an emotional talk saying how he’s hurt me, and I was angry… and just after 2 weeks was an insult and ridiculous… etc. He didn’t say much to defend himself. He said he cares about me, and doesn’t want to break up, but also he never intended on waiting for me while I was here. He’s tried long distance many times before and he always gets the short end of the stick. I was just infuriated and shocked, that he found someone new so quickly. -I had been approached by guys also, and turned them down because my ‘boyfriend’ is the only guy I want at the moment!!After 2 conversations of me basically yelling at him, he said he didn’t want to lose me from his life, and that there’s no way we could stay together now, but he still wants hope for the future. I said I don’t want to see him in the future after this whole experience. On the dating website I changed my status from ‘seeing someone’ to ‘single. He then changed his from ‘seeing someone’ to ‘available’ meaning he wants an open relationship.After a week of sleeping poorly and being stressed about everything, I wrote him an email saying I want to be on friendly terms, and I am meeting new people too, so it’s ok. He wrote back that it hurts to talk to me, and he gave a big piece of himself to me, and that it kills him to know I am meeting other people and he doesn‘t want to know about it..etc. So, I am just not sure what to believe. I feel like a huge part of our ‘relationship’ has been tainted because he couldn’t hold out for more than 2 weeks. He was interested and looking when I had just left. Maybe beforehand!! I think that’s ridiculous and horribly painful. Aside from that… I know the easy answer is forget the whole thing, don’t talk to him and move on. But are there other answers? Should I stay friends? Should I show him that I am still angry? I just don’t know the proper etiquette here. Of course I still care very much about him, and would like to see him at Christmas, but I think it’d be very painful to do that. Would I have no dignity if I stayed friends with someone who treated me this way?
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christmas, flirt, heartbroken, long distance, move on, myspace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kawika +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Yup...all boyz are pigs. Considering I am a Man I don't think I fall into that category...but, I've been told I look like a chimpazee; however that's besides the point. Bottom line...if two people have experienced a chemistry together and really care about each other (in a romantic way) they would never attempt to think of even finding or connecting with someone else. They would be thinking about each other day and night until they meet again. I am not saying that they should be needy and clingy, but there should be that belief that out of a million people in this world...he or she is special and would definitely be worth the effort...and the wait.
From my experience with my other piggy male friends, it appears he is a player. Some girls like it...some don't. It just depends on what you want in a relationship. It seems you have already answered your question during the first sentence of your last paragraph. Although you may feel like doing the Carrie Underwood (Before He Cheats) thing by busting up his car and flatting his tires, you might want to consider other effective alternatives like "Silence". Silence is a very powerful weapon. It will place you on the solid ground of inner strength and class. So...the next time he writes to you...do nothing. It's his turn to roll on his bed wondering how he lost you.
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