A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's my birthday and I'm having a little party with my family. My uncle leaves early tomorrow to another state (to his house) and another uncle of mine is taking him to the airport tomorrow morning. They both came to my house today and I was preparing myself because I had just came out of the shower and was fixing my hair and make-up. I thought maybe they were going to stay to eat so when I heard them get here to the house I thought nothing of it. After all the dining room (which is the first thing you see when you walk into the house) is decorated with Birthday stuff so they knew we were going to have a little party. The uncle who's taking my uncle to the airport lives in a distant city but close to the airport. He was kind of in a hurry (and I didn't know that) because he had to do something with his wife and very adult daughter. So the visit was a very short one. It lasted like 10 minutes. I thought they were going to wait for me since I'm the birthday girl and at least a hug would've been nice. They didn't say anything and didn't ask my mother to knock on my door to see if I could come out and said Hi or Bye so when I heard they were leaving I felt ignored. I didn't rush to come out since they seem not to care to see me. I know the one who's leaving tomorrow had no choice basically because he is not in his car. I was about to come out of my bedroom when I turned on my noisy blowdryer and my mother says she told me through the door my uncle was leaving when I was blowdrying my hair. She must have known I coulnd't listen to her. She does that when I have loud music also or when I am taking a shower. It's like she wants to make me feel guilty for something. Then she says but "I told you..." When she kmows it must have been impossible for me to listen. The thing is I felt bad because they didn't care to see me or talk to me for a second. I came out of the bedroom like two min. after they left and my mother said: "He already left" and I said: "OK, I'm not looking for him", "If he didn't care to see me it's his loss" and she went like "Oh you shouldn't said that..." blah blah. And then she said soemething else and obvoulsly to try to make me feel bad she took aout of her pocket $40 dollards my uncle had gave her to hold as a gift for me. I'm unemployed and money is like water on a dessert for me. I called him and left him a message to thank him and he later called me back and we talked for like five minutes. This is not the end of the world but you have a birhtday only once a year and I think my uncles and mother should had proceeded differently in this situation. I spent all night feeling guilty. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAngzw, Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoy! I did call him (it's written there) and I thanked him immediately I got the money with a message which he later replied with a phone call. The right thing to do is to ask soemone in the family to tell the birthday person you are there and want to say goodbye because we see each other only once a year and you have no time and want to congratulate me. The right thing for my mother to do was to communicate effectively with me. Not when it's obvious that I have a blowdryer on my ears and can't hear a thing. I felt guilty because my mother didn't tell me at least one of my uncles was waiting for me when she had plenty of time before I turned on the blowdryer for 3 minutes; so I thought they didn't care because they didn't came to the house for me anyway so I was like would they care or just grab the cake and leave or maybe stay for dinner and celebrate. (I have no job, absolutely no friends, no kids, no BF, no nothing and my immediate family don't share my Christian beliefs so I live 24/7 feeling extremely lonely because my family doesn't like to talk much to me because we are very different and I'm a professional with a master's degree) When I get out of my room feeling down because my uncles didn't wanted to see me it brought back all of the loneliness I've been feeling for YEARS now. Don't talk if you have someone who listens to you or who needs you everyday, even if it is just at work because I don't know what that is since June 2007 when I broke up with my ex. I'm not the kind of person who goes whining b/c I have to have control of my emotions and I was cool in front of my family when they left but then my mother tried to make me feel guilty, and I was like: well, they didn't care... So I continued mingling with other members of the small family and she insisted in making me feel guilty and I was: ...so what? Is not like I wanted to hide form them or anything. I was not in conditions to greet them yet. And my mother instead of giving me the money and tell me to call him to thank him the gesture she kept on letting the argument grow and when she needed a good argument she grabbed the money and gave it to me to make me feel bad. If she wasn't already very toxic and dysfunctional I wouldn't be this mad with her for that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): They probably didn't want to remind you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy uncles didn't stop by for my birthday. They stopped by to get a cake. My mom always gives him a cake for him to take with him on the plane. The uncle who was driving him didn't even knew it was my birthday. He learned it when he saw the decorations. His wife and daughter were expecting him for dinner which is not an emergency and nothing out of the ordinary for them b/c they have lots of money and live from restaurant to restaurant.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (5 January 2010):
If you were like 10 I would say its a big deal. Maybe they feel at your age over 30 its not that much of an issue any more. And the older you get the less important birthdays are, until you get to your 80's then it becomes a big deal again because you are in your final years. Also taking into account that they were in a hurry, how can saying happy birthday to you be more important than catching a flight? What, get there late because they just had to say happy birthday to someone over 30? My own father since my teens has been seriously asking me questions like which day were you born? Or 'wasnt your birthday last week?' But I know he loves me with all his heart and when I was little he let me have a themed party every year. But now in my 30's its not a big deal anymore, I had my fun and all the attention. Now the focus is on the little ones in the family. Not me a grown woman who had more birthday parties than most. Let it go. Oh, happy belated birthday!
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