A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating this guy and everything is good with him and I'm happy being with him, but now I've lost my best friend. I wrote about this before, she was once like in love with him but they never dated or anything, and he and I began to hang out. Anyway, she eventually told me to do what I wanted because she knew I would anyway, for the first month or so, her and I were hanging out a lot, we were normal-like nothing had ever happened. We were still best friends and did bestfriend stuff, but when we were drunk we'd always get into fights and stuff.. and on new years, I said something like "I'm going to make myself happy, and I'm going to put my happiness first" and she got really upset by this and told me that when it all falls apart with me and this guy she won't be there for me. I thought that was hurtful, but I assumed she didn't really mean it because she was drunk as well. Since new years, I haven't seen her and whenever I ask her to hang out she always gives me shady answers like "maybe" or if I ask her what she has planned, she goes nothing really and I suggest hanging out and she goes "maybe".. I haven't seen her since new years and tonight we're going to the same bar because of a mutual friends birthday. Yesterday I talked to her and she basically stated she couldn't be friends with me anymore. I find it really hard to get over losing a best friend like her. I'm beginning to question if what I lost was greater than what I gained, or vise versa. I'm happy in a different way with him than I would be if I "chose" her. I don't know what to do. It's really bugging me but I don't want to leave him. I don't know...
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male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (25 January 2009):
 You were just being honest when you said that your happiness comes first. I have to agree, you are between a rock and a hard place!
From her side, I see jealousy. You took away her fantasy??? I don't know if that's the right word, but... However, you and this guy are getting along good. Even if you ended it with him, there is nothing saying that she would get him. If she tried, that's taboo! In the mens world, we call that buddy fu^#ing! That will end a friendship real fast!
Friends come and go from our lives. If you drop him, you could be throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you. OR, maybe you guys will crash in 6 months. Don't thow away the relationship because of her.
If she were your true friend, she'd say to you something like, I really like him, but he obviously likes you better. You're my friend, I love you and I wish you both the best!
Let her go, don't pressure her or anything. Who knows, down the line maybe she'll realize that she's being selfish and want to be your friend again.
My best friend and I didn't speak for nearly 10 years. He didn't like the girl I was dating, and told me that if I wanted to hang with him, she had to go! I chose her.
Hope this helps.
Have a good time at the party, and don't apologize for loving someone.
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