A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:a couple of months ago i was visiting my LD girlfriend and i had lots of time alone at her place while she was at school. i snooped into her computer historial out of couriosity and i found she had visited some hook up site afew times for the last months. when i clicked on the link the web site opened, it was one the kind that promote sexual encounters. i was shocked and inside my head i gave her the benefit of the doubt and i thought she may have been watching porn and one of those sites poped up but there was no trace of any porn site she had visited and now that is bothering me. we have been together for over a year and we see each other every two months or so. we live in continents apart. am i being paranoid or have i grounds to suspect she has been cheatting with strangers to protect her privacy and image from her friends.
View related questions:
am I being paranoid, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): sounds to me like you have dug yourself a bit of a hole.
Either way this may not end well.
If you confront her, she will not like that you snooped on her.
Yet, if you don't confront her, you will have this doubt constantly in your head, eating away at you.
What you do with what you have found out is up to you....but if there is no trust, then there is no relationship!!
Good luck.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 Sorry, but *you* are the red flag in my opinion. Why would she be compelled to give you her Facebook password? Why would you waste a visit with her by snooping all over her computer internet history? If you were my boyfriend, LD or otherwise, I'd drop you like a bad habit because I can't abide people with trust issues and snoopers into my privacy.
She didn't cheat on you, and you destroyed a perfectly good relationship due to your issues. Even if she never finds out you were all over her site, you're going to indulge that stupid insecurity of yours and it will be your undoing.
I suggest breaking up with her, because *you* can't handle an LDR, at least not this one. Not if you're asking for (or manipulating a conversation in order to receive) Facebook passwords, her computer password, and digging all over her privacy like you did. Seriously. Work on your insecurity issues, or you'll keep torching relationships.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 August 2013):
Well, I wish I could tell you something you want to hear, but you CAN'T bring it up because she will be too upset that you violated her privacy and didn't trust her. It's sort of like evidence obtained illegally is not admissible in court.
That's why you shouldn't snoop unless you have a good reason.
My guess (giving her the benefit of the doubt) is that she was curious. I'm browsed those sights before with ZERO intention of contacting anyone.
However, being in an LDR is very difficult, and she may feel lonely. She may be looking for no strings attached action because of it. I have no way of knowing.
Unfortunately, LDR's are extremely difficult and I'm sure that deception is much more common because, in reality, an LDR is not a natural relationship. People need intimacy and other things for the relationship to survive. You may want to rethink your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): I would get she visits porn sites out of boredom i am sure she will tell u the truth...snooping tho not cool.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 You say you have never had genuine reason to doubt her yet, when she's not around you snoop through her computer!
Curiosity killed the cat and you have found information which has now given you cause to doubt her.
So now what do you do?
If you want to know what the info really means and whether or not they are her sites and a threat to your relationship you will have to ask her, then she will know you snooped!
The info you found may be something or nothing but your trust issues are definitely something to worry about.
You know her passwords and things so she clearly has nothing to hide but I think it's such a shame (for her) that she trusts you to be alone in her apartment and you snoop in the most invasive way possible.
I think you need to address your trust issues as well as come clean about what you've found.
If your relationship is strong you may both be able to work through this.
AB x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni ve never had any genuine reason to doubt about her, she is sweet and tells me everything i want to know, i even have her fb password and i found nothing. however she is very private and doesnt like fb that much :\ i really cant tell if she was really the one visiting those sites, my gut tells me she was, because she lives with a roommate and her laptop has password so they dont share computers. a few months ago her computer had something wrong and wasnt charging so she switched to her dads computer for a few days to get it fixed. so unless her dad or the technicians visited that site it means it was her. i dont have strong evidence, the only red flag i saw was during that time i found condoms in her drawer, they were the promotional ones and she said they were being given away at school. she lives on campus and it made sense to me at the time. i tried to brush it off for the time being but it came to my mind and im concerned. i dont know how to ask her without her getting mad at me for snooping into her files.
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 Wow! That is troubling evidence. Are you sure that it is her that's visiting these sites or maybe it's a sibling or friend who used her computer. Does she have house mates? Is this the only evidence you have that she is cheating or are there other red flags?
If I were you, I'd just ask her.
...............................
|
