A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and i have a son together although we are not together, i told him that i needed to have plain sex with him to get him out of my system we split 6 years ago, after alot of no's from him we agreed to meet, in secret away from my now partner. anyway, we went to his house and when we where there we sat beside each other and watch a bit of tv and talked and messed around like we used to. And we kissed, the most sensual kiss i have ever felt in my life, he kissed me softly but quite urgent feeling, he held me around my back and held my face, we kissed a couple more times at this point i had already told him i didnt think i could sleep with him as i think it would be wrong, anyway we kissed again for what seemed like ages and after he kissed me softly on the forhead. after about 2hrs of having a laugh and kissing he asked me did i want to go upstairs and i said "we can try" but i still am not sure, we got upstairs and he kissed me again softly and quite urgently, we fell to the bed and we where kissing and stuff and he asked me if i wanted this and i said "oh yes" without resistance, we stripped off etc and he asked again and i agreed again well we where in the middle of it when he asked if i was ok and did i want to stop and i didnt but he asked again a few minute later and i said yes because i felt really guilty and ashamed but i really wish we had of continued, he is very closed of about his feelings.what i wanna know is did the way he kissed me mean anything and the way he treated me does this mean anything?? i wanted just sex but it felt like we where making love and now i am really confused. I want to be with him but i don't know how he feels and i don't want to push him on it either. thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): I'm sorry if you are feeling criticized, this must be a confusing situation for you. I am not judging you at all, I think we are just trying to help in our own ways.
You said that you and your ex agreed not to talk about it, but if you don't talk to him about this, how will you ever get the answers you are looking for? How will you be able to clear up this confusion?
You say your current partner just doesn't make you feel like your ex did. But this doesn't mean that your ex is the only person out there for you. Maybe your current partner just isn't the right guy for you. He may be lovely, but if you just don't feel the same...
I think you need to try and work out where you stand with your ex, if possible, because you will be stuck in limbo and uncertainty if this is just left. I don't know what your ex wants, or what is going on in his mind. Maybe he would like to try again. Maybe he wouldn't. But I think it would help to try and find out for sure.
Maybe you could also try speaking to your current partner, about where the relationship is heading. If you don't feel the same way about him, you can either stay and try to improve the relationship. Or leave.
This must be really difficult for you, and there are a lot of difficult choices. But I think that, if you try to be honest about your feelings, and with your ex and partner, things might become clearer. I'm not saying it will become better or easier. But the situation as it stands is causing you a lot of grief. So surely trying a different approach can only be a way forward.
Good luck. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly my now partner know's i have really strong feelings for my ex and i have told him there could be a possibility that i would sleep with him, maybe out of longing maybe wanting it to be just that sex nothing more wanting not to feel the way i do, my current partner is a wonderful man the best in fact except he doesn't do it for me in that department i thought for all this time that it didn't matter and all that matters was all the other stuff, i've tried toys with my current partner etc and nothing not even his kiss can make me tingle in a way i know it should, my ex partner does make me tingle and make me go all jelly like a 15 year old i am putty in his hands to be honest, i know what he is like he is very closed off about emotions and feelings except anger he isn't violent or anything but it is the only emotion he truly can show is when he is angry and something everything else your a very lucky person to see. I don't want to ask him because we agreed not to talk about it, and now i want to know and that is confusing me. my ex and i split up because i told him it was over because he had his dream job he wanted to do and i didn't want to stand in his way with a child making him give it up so i hurt myself and maybe him and walked away hoping to move on this was part of the reason and the other being that nobody wanted us to be together and we had people stirring it. telling me he was cheating on me etc, which i am sorry but i got insecure and went way beyond ott aswell, but he still insists he did not cheat on me and i have told him it is in the past and it won't effect me now but he is still adamant he did not do it, he can tell me he loves me and i am his baby girl, and then he can tell me he is hooking up with a girl and i am like good on you when really all i wanna do is cry. Does he want me to cry AM i telling him i don't care? is he waiting on a reaction? does he hold me on,ready for that one day i might be free and he might be too? or is it just ooo this girl reallly loves me more than any other before or after maybe if he keeps me dangling maybe one day he will be ready for me? see he confuses me so much and at my age he shouldn't. I want him to love me as much as my current partner does! and i know what i did was wrong on so many levels, but what if is all i have to use, what if i never get a chance again,what if this is all i have, what if he never tells me,what if my current partner leaves any way i met him 2 weeks after i split from my ex and he was with his partner at the time and he cheated on her with me i didn't know until i was told i had to slip away so it didn't cause problems but it did anyway because she told me he had slept with her just before leaving so i guess i have a barrier up because i always believe it will end eventually. oh please i just want advise guidance not criticized i already no what i did was wrong and i paying for it now in part. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): I slept with my ex, what does it mean?
It means you're a cheat & you're clearly not over him.
You had sex with him because you just wanted to...at your age you should know that sex with the ex does not do anything for you. And to do it while with someone else, is DEAD WRONG. If you still had him in your system you should have done this BEFORE you got with someone else!
Your current boyfriend deserves better than you! And if you really feel that much for your ex then you should leave the man you're with now and be with him. And pray it's better than the last time you two were together!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Oh dear. This is why having sex with an ex to "get them out of your system" rarely works. The emotions come up all over again.It sounds like this particular encounter with him was very special and meaningful for you. It could have been that he was trying to make it as nice as possible, seeing as it was to be your "last time". Or maybe he was feeling what you were feeling too, I don't know.It does sound to me though that you are not over him. You say you split six years ago. Do you still see each other a lot? You have a son together, so some contact willl probably be necassary. But have you been longing for him all this time? You also don't mention much about your current partner. It seems like your ex is very much on your mind at the moment.I suppose you could talk to him, and ask him what it meant for him. You said you want to be with him. Do you mean you want to be in a relationship with him again? If so, then what caused you to break up in the first place? Have those things ever been worked on? Do you think things could be different this time?I think you need to have a real, honest think here about what you want. Do you want to be with your current partner? Is there anything you could do to improve that relationship? If it is your ex you want, then you need to also find out what he wants, and how he feels about all of this. At the moment it sounds like emotions are all over the place, and the situation is confusing and complicated. So be sure first of what you really want before taking any action. And try to be honest, both with yourself and the two guys involved. Good luck. x
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