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female
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anonymous
writes:Divorced for almost 20 years now and I recently started dating a man who hasn't been in any relationships in 5 years. We are both pretty set in our ways but I have really fallen for this man in a very short time. We slept together on our 3rd date and it was great and I thought it was for him too but now he seems to be distancing himself. Should I be honest with him about my feelings? I don't want or need another "friend" I want more. What should I do? Please help me. I am actually pining for this man! Until now I thought I was too mature to experience these type of feelings. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): The fact remains that, men's perspective of sex is onmost occassion different from women, consider this: Its not possible for a woman to sleep with a man she does not like/love, but a man can actually marry somebody he does not love. this is real and true, watch the way you open your legs if you must safe your feelings. I dont think whatever you tell him now matters, he has concluded you are not different from the last he had. Men desire "distinctiveness".
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): Irish is spot on right! This happened to me. Walk away with your head held high and put it down to experience. I don't know why some people do this, it causes so much hurt, but they do and we are well rid of them. You will find someone who you so rightly deserve
Take care and don't beat yourself up over this one, he isn't worth it!
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): Please do not tell him anything, hun. Stop any/all contact with him. He's not for you. I am sorry..not what you wanted to hear, right? It appears this guy just wantedsomething from you with no further commitment. You might have thought sex was a precursor to a deepening relationship with him but he didn't. His distancing behaviours attest to that. Just because he bedded you -that was absolutely no indicator of his affections or caring. I think you are suspecting this very fact, now. What is critically important, though, is not to blame yourself. Treat this as a learning experience and nothing more. Just remember that people who are into sex before they've formed a good, solid relationship are probably not going to be lasting partners. You're not to blame for how he acts and please realize, most guys aren't like him. Just start treating dating as a selection process and make sure you and any future potential bf both share the same values, interests and ethics. Go slow, keep your self respect and never be so quick to give 'your all' to him. Please remember, to only open your heart, body and emotions to ultimate intimacy with the one you love and you are certain they love you. We know you are wonderful , you are dateable, you are the best. Believe in that. There are many wonderful, good men out there looking for a woman who will be friend, lover, and life-mate. So how do you not get burned again? Get to know a man as a friend and for goodness sakes, keep your own life busy with other friends and activities. Let him know, you can get on in life without him too. He will love that about you. Take Care my dear and remember. Be selective, be smart and have fun!
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