A
female
age
36-40,
*lakazam
writes:I need help in order to deal with this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We live together and have for a while now. Our relationship has been phenominal from the beginning. We always get along, rarely have dragged out and unhealthy fights, and overall we love each other very much. He is 6 years older than me and has a couple of exes he still is friends with. Myself on the other hand is relatively inexperienced. I have never had another real relationship, I lost my virginity to him and had a lot of firsts with him. I have some self confidence issues, which is why I think my problem is a problem. I hate my bf's most recent ex. I have given her a chance and I absolutely cannot stand her. Anytime she is around, albeit this was not that often to begin with, she has caused nothing but drama and made it clear that she still has feelings for my bf. Now, though, she moved to where we live even though she didn't live here before. My bf is in a band, and she works in the music industry, so he thinks she can help them. However, she has proven on countless occasions that she cannot and that is clear. He cannot stop clinging to hope that she can although she has screwed them over and will not listen to my concerns about her saying I do not trust him, which I do, and that I don't need to worry, that he is annoyed by her and he is just using her for help with the industry. Today, I was cleaning out our living space and I found a huge photo album of the two of them, and it made me sick. It was not out in plain sight and it's clear he hasn't looked at them in ages, but it still pissed me off. To add insult to injury, I found pics of them obviously naked, kissing and him grabbing her in various naughty places. I freaked out, and I cannot get over it. I called my bf who is away and told him what I found. I said he could keep the pix If he wanted, but could I get rid of the naked ones? He said toss them all, and that he was sorry, he forgot those existed and that he loved me. Then later, I found a love poem he wrote to her. This doesn't sound like much, but he absolutely does not write love poems or songs. He told me he never did, and his writings are always pessimistic and dark. This upset me also because secretly I have wanted him to do things like that for me, but previously counted them out cause I thought he was not capable. I feel like I could be overreacting, but I cannot get over what I have found today. I am not necessarily angry at him, but I feel so strange. When he comes back, I feel like I may act differently. Seeing those pics was like a knife in the heart. I always knew that happened, but to see that in front of my face was painful and sickening. That poem was the kicker. He said he didn't want to write it but she used to do stupid romantic stuff for him so he felt bad and did it for that reason, but that doesn't make me feel better. I simply cannot get over that he has a past and I do not. Help! What can I do to deal?
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male
reader, Mr.Pimp_2_U  +, writes (9 November 2008):
 ok well i cant say i have been in your situation because the two "real" relationships i been in both where still virgins and both hadnt had a long-term relationship before, but my gf was up until a month or two back still friends with her ex.. me and him didnt just hate each other i actually put him in hospital twice in the last 2 years.. but he was causing arguments.. and a lot of the time they seemed intentional to mess mine and my now fiancee's relationship up.. and im sorry to say this but it carried on like that until she told him to fuck off and not speak to her again.. i have bad trust issues so when she would go out with them for the night(being that her best mate is going out with his mate) i would feel like until he was completely gone from our lives i would'nt feel any better... try and chat with him and say you dont feel comfortable with them seeing each other so often and see what he says.. because my girlfriend didnt want to not see him coz she would not get to see her other friend very often if she didnt see him.. but when she stopped i felt better, she felt better, and our whole relation ship was better 10fold... so talk to him and try and resolve it like that.. Good luck alakazam
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