| A ,
*_Missy
writes: Tonight I was at my ex-boyfriend's house. Even though we're technically no longer together, we still feel strongly about each other. We were having the best time together. We never have as much fun as we did tonight. We just really hit it off. The sex was amazing. He was telling me how wonderful I was and not just in bed; in everything. We were so close to going back out again. After sex, we went and sat in the living room for awhile. I was feeling so happy and great that I started things with him. I couldn't stop kissing him or touching him. Once again we headed back to the bedroom. Now I can't express how great the sex was. The best I had ever had. It was going so well when he suddenly stopped and starred down at me like I had just slapped him across the face. He moved away from me and when I asked what was wrong, he pushed me away. Finally he told me that he didn't want to start a fight but after enough prying he finally claimed that I had shouted my ex's name. My OTHER ex. The ex before him. I swear I didn't do it but I know there is no use in arguing with him over that. He heard what he heard. For the rest of the night we just lied there. I would ask him questions every now and then and finally I was able to make it back into his arms. When I had to go to come home, we just sat outside for awhile. We talked about a whore who had just been dropped off (bad part of town), we talked about the stars. Then I left. We NEVER talk about the stars. He wiped a tear away and kissed me. It would've been romantic if we weren't feeling like shit inside.When I got home, he gave me a call. I just got off with him. I kept saying the same stuff over and over again. "I'm sorry" "I don't want to lose you" Just over and over again. I feel like such an idiot. We talked for a long time. He said he didn't know what he wanted anymore. Then he would say that he wanted to make it work; that if he didn't, he would've just sent me home. He said he loved me. That's only the second time he's told me that. He says I can't tell him I love him because he thinks it would just be a sucky way of smoothing things over. That I would just be saying it to kill the tension. He says he'll call me tomorrow and that we might go on a double date on Sunday but I just feel like shit. I still don't think I said it but I feel so awful about this whole situation. How can I gain his trust again? How can I show him that he means everything in the world to me without making it sound like I'm just buttering the toast?
View related questions:
kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (19 June 2005):
 This happens all the time and means absolutely nothing. Our brains work by habit. I have been with the man I am wiht for 10 years and still call him my brother, my x or my sons name (not just one time I even used my dogs name). If depends on my tone or it depends on the context. It is absolutely impossible to avoid. And he should have tried to deal with it with a sense of humor. Say you are sorry he was hurt but that he has the choice of how he gives meaning (or not) to it. If he is needy or insecure he will play that up and use this to ensure you remain at a disadvantage. If he insists on making you pay then I would remind myself why we broke up over already. If you ever want to have a life long partnership, time is too precious to waste on those who proved themselves unworthy already! If it was because of maturity, he is not acting like he has come too far since then. You explained one too many times why you are normal in your post.When you confront him on this, be gentle at first. But if he insists on the woe is me you have been with other men besides me act, then I think it is high time for him to apologize to you.
A
reader, pops +, writes (18 June 2005):
Good grief Girl ! All this over just calling out the name of an ex when you are making love? What will you do when you have a real crisis? Like being late to meet him for a date? Or burning his dinner? Slow down. YOu are making way too much out of a little thing. And he may be also. What he should be thinking, She may be calling your name buddy, but I am the one she is making love to. Eat your heart out, sucker ! And, you should be laughing it off. Unless you are making love to the only man you have ever lusted after, you are going to have to expect to shout out the wrong name occasionally. It may even be a movie star you like ! Guys can handle it. How is he going to act when he sees other guys checking you out? Hide you at home? Dress you in a gunny sack? Or are you going to purposefully dress down and frumpy so that no other man will ever look at you twice? If you are going to have a healthy relationship with this man, then learn to laugh at each other's mistakes and faux pas. They will happen to both of you. You can make a game out of it, if it happens often. Get a jar, and agree to place an IOU note in it everytime you call him the wrong name. Same goes for him. At some agreed interval, he gets to collect on the IOU's in the jar. What the payment is agreed upon ahead of time. I never named my penis, as some men are want to do, but my wife decided to call it " Shameless" for obvious reasons. Sometimes she would call me " Shameless", in public, and that would cost her. But what a way to go. Teach each other to laugh at your mistakes, and make fun out of them. They happen to everyone, and its just as embarrassing to the rest of us. We just haven't learned to deal with it any better than you have, yet. A friend of mine was married to a younger, big busted woman who insisted on not wearing a bra around town. Every guy, and every woman was always checking her out ! I asked him how he handled all the stares? He said, " Eat your heart out, fellows. She goes home with me- every night!" I asked her how she handled the women's stares. She said, " I ignor them. They are just jealous, and there is no point to acknowledging their stares. " pops
...............................
A
reader, pops +, writes (18 June 2005):
Good grief Girl ! All this over just calling out the name of an ex when you are making love? What will you do when you have a real crisis? Like being late to meet him for a date? Or burning his dinner?
...............................
|
