A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 months just broke up with me four days ago because he thought I was cheating on him. I was not. I tried everything I could think of to prove to him that I wasn’t cheating on him and never have. He knows that I love him and I know he feels the same way. I understand how he must feel because he THINKS I’ve betrayed him, however the fact is that I have NOT! I know I should probably just forget him and shouldn’t want to be with someone who thinks I would do such a terrible, disgusting thing. However, I am in love with him and I feel empty without him. Every other aspect of our relationship is incredible. We never fight over anything except when he suspects me of cheating. I know this is all in his head, I just wish there is something I could do to show him that I never have and never would betray him. We spend 5-6 nights together, I always answer or return his calls immediately, we text constantly throughout the workday and chat online at night on the few nights that we aren’t together. The last time we spoke was 2 days ago. We ended it with both of us angry and exchanging nasty words. He texted me a friendly message about one of our favorite shows last night. I promptly returned the text with a friendly reply, but haven’t heard from him since. What does this mean?Does anyone have any insight or advice? I miss him so much. I hate living without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I am the original poster of this question. I'm not sure how to show that on here, though. Anyway, he's told me that he doesn't want to doubt me, but he can't help it. He says that he's never been cheated on before, but I don't know if that's true or not.
I've never suspected him of cheating on me and I'm as certain as I can be that he isn't/hasn't...like I said before, we're together or in touch constantly!
He's told me several times that he feels like this because he's never felt like this before and he's scared that he's going to lose me or that I'm going to meet someone else. But I don't want to! I love him and everything about him! I've been in a few long term relationships (2 years & almost 3 years) prior to this, but have never felt about my exes the way I feel about him.
I wrote him a long letter telling him how much I love him, miss him, how much he means to me and how much it HURTS me that he thinks I would do such horrible things to him and us. I'm not sure if I should send it, though. I don't know what to do!
I feel like he just makes up these awful scenarios in his head and then his mind just runs away. The things he thinks are going on are really far-fetched and unrealistic. He sometimes admits this, but then dwells on them again the next day. The most frustrating part of all of this is KNOWING that we could have an absolutely incredible relationship if it wasn't for this. But I feel like there's nothing I can do or say that will make him believe that NOTHING has ever happened. Heeellllppp!!
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Sweetheart sounds to me like someone is doing some meddling and has obviously had a word with him or something. Is there an ex girlfriend around or someone who knows her and who could be saying that they have seen you with someone else?
Just a thought as he seems pretty convinced of it and like duskyrowe has said, has he been cheated on before and this has now made him quite paranoid. Does someone know him and has known this fact so wants to get you out of the picture and what better way to do it than to tap into his most hated fear.
I would try and put your words down in writing whether that is an email or something or even a letter and tell him that you are astounded that he could ever think you would do that to him.
OK so what you can take from it now is that you have exchanged friendly texts about your favourite shows and you are both trying to work out what goes on from here, don't rush things and if he contacts you in the meantime fine. But do try and get your feelings on paper about how you NEVER could and NEVER would cheat on him and you still don't understand why he could ever think that as you feel like you deserve an explanation as you are not guilty of anything and as such you deserve something more than oh you have cheated on me.
If he can never change his opinion then that is HIS problem and not yours but he does need to give you a fuller explanation that what you have had and I think you may only get that once you have put your thoughts in writing as people tend to read a letter or email much more and will possibly re read it several times compared to a spoken conversation where you end up talking over one another and not actually listening to what the person is saying, inevitably you miss the key points of the conversation as it turns into an argument and then things that are not meant come out in anger.
Hope you get more of what you need to hear.
Hear anytime OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 He sounds paranoid, why?
He has been cheated on before OR is he a cheater himself and can't believe anyone else might not be?
You can't prove something that didn't happen. If you had cheated there would be evidence but there is none of you not cheating. There really isn't anything you can do. He must work this out himself.
Why does he distrust you and why can't he accept what you tell him especially since he has no proof of you lying to him.
Now if he believes you cheat because he cheats then you basically got of easy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): I think that he just wanted an excuse to break up with you. If you haven't given him any reason for him to think you have cheated, then why is accusing you this? Did it just happen out of the blue or did someone tell him this? Now this might sound a bit mean, but don't be silly. You feel empty without him and you only have 5 months together? You have to learn how to not make a guy the center if your universe because then you will always feel very sad when it doesn't work out. Trust me.. I went out with a guy for over 2 years and he was my word (or so I thought at the moment) and it was horrible for me when we broke up because I was so used to him. My only advice is give him time and talk to him only as a friend. You already told him and tried proving to him you havnt cheated, if he loved you the way you say he does he would believe you and TRUST you. Because a relationship without trust will end sooner or later.. Take care and be sure to keep us updated..
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (24 April 2008):
 I think you need to get to the bottom of his accusations, has he been cheated on before?
This is a question you must ask him, if he has then tell him that you are not like the other girls. Explain to him and say "Where would I find time to cheat on you if we hang out 5-6 times a week? plus you always in contact when you are not together. Do not take this lying down!!!
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