A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I am hoping someone can help me with this issue.I'm nearly 28 and engaged to a fantastic guy, we live together.Ive completed uni and been in a great professional job since uni.Over the past 6 months or so i feel like my mood is gradually getting worse. I've seen a dr who ruled out depression and said it sounds like hormonal irregularities. Ive always been irregular so technically some days/weeks I'm content and happy and then go through spirals of feeling really low and overwhelmed and over everything.During these times I feel like I need a change and have always told myself its hormonal and will pass. However for 6 months now the same feelings emerge during that time whcih is telling me otherwise!The feelings that keep emerging seem to be around my job and how I don't feel happy in my job anymore. the problem is the type of work i feel excited about doing is completely different. basically I started a course in child care with the hope of doing home day care when I have kids but that is a couple years away yet. But now I have started and thought about it, the idea of starting it sooner sounds really appealing. I can have a change from my current routine and profession and have more responsibility and control of my own day care business at home. So I keep telling myself to wait and just enjoy my work now but then i go into a spiral where I am so depressed at work, i dread going and its even been effecting my work performance. I then can't seem to feel excited by anything else. We have a wedding and honeymoon coming up in the next 12 months and I should be excited! But i just feel constantly tired and like im not really grounded and floating along doing something I no longer enjoy.I'm not sure what to do. I can't be so drastic to just quit my job and do what i want. Ive spoken to my fiance who wants me happy but says I shouldnt quit yet...my parents won't give me their opinion, my fiances parents are basiaclly saying I'd be silly to quit, it would be a pay cut and I should stay in my current job or find something else along the same lines.I'm really struggling to work out what to do! I'm feeling so down about it and its got to a stage where I'm hating myself for these thoughts and feelings and i just feel depressed it feels like if i do go and make this career changing decision I will want support but instead will have people asking why i am doing it. help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): hmmm... Your idea to start your home daycare business is a good one if that's where your passion lies BUT if you're going to be married you have to discuss the issue of RESPONSIBILITY with your fiance.he and his parents might be afraid that you'll start the business and it won't make any money and then he has to support you because you're not bringing in half the income and the marriage then becomes unequal. When one partner in a marriage wants to quit their job and start a business, it's a major life-changing decision that affects the other partner as well. Because it means a drop in household income for quite some time (businesses dont' start making profit immediately and can require a lot of investment upfront), long hours for you if you want your business to succeed which means he has to pick up the slack at home, if you're running a business out of the family home that means that your partner will also be affected by your business activities, is he OK with that? and in the end lots of businesses fail despite hard work, and leave the business owner in debt. sorry but that is just the reality. I come from a family of entrepreneurs and have seen that business failure is a reality. Not a reason to never pursue a business, but saying that it takes more than passion and a desire to be in control of your life, it has to be a realistic dream. You have to be in a position to be successful - have the necessary knowledge and a lot of different skills to succeed, not just doing the actual service that you like to do but also bookkeeping, marketing, accounting, legal stuff, etc..., it is a REAL JOB and there will be times you hate it but you have to keep doing it because it's not just a hobby that earns you some extra pocket money but a real viable job that actually brings in sustainable income to the family. And if you're learning as you go, you have to make sure your fiance or future husband is OK with supporting you financially until you succeed and start contributing to the household income.otherwise if you're basically looking to do a hobby that makes some extra pocket money this can be unfair to your future husband. Why should he be slaving away at a real job while you're doing a hobby full time and he has to pay for all the family expenses on his own? That's not being equal partners. so if you want to start your home daycare business I say GREAT and GO FOR IT. But you need to show your fiance and family that you're completely serious about it and doing what you need to do to be successful.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (22 February 2012):
I think you place too much weight on other people's opinions and perceptions, and this makes you feel out of control of your life.
There is no blanket answer to whether you should stay in a job you hate, or make a drastic career change, or start your own business. The answer is different for everyone, and it also varies at the stage in your life and your other circumstances and your mindset.
but one thing is for sure, which is that when you're not following what feels right for you, but going along with what other people say you should do because you're concerned about how you look to them, you can end up feeling powerless and thereby depressed.
You could feel better even if you stayed in your current job, if you are staying because YOU are choosing to of your own accord. If you decided that you will stay in your job to save up money for your future, or to get experience that will come in valuable later, or some other tangible reason that is of benefit to you, that's empowering to you even if you still hate the job. But if you stay only because you're afraid other people will criticize you for leaving, you end up feeling powerless because you really don't have a reason for doing what you are.
There are pros and cons to staying in a job you hate. There are also pros and cons to quitting a stable job and starting your own business. Perhaps a first place to start would be to look into what YOUR needs and priorities are.
For example, do you have the finances and to start your own business and to weather periods of low profitability? If you do , then what is keeping you from doing it? if you only are dreaming of starting your own business because you hate your present job, that may or may not be the answer depending on what it is about your present job that you hate. Read up on what it takes to start your own business, to see if it's something that you're ready for now and if not what you need to do to become ready.
you could also explore doing something different at work to improve the conditions in your present job to be more pleasant. There are of course, limitations to what can be done, so you would have to gather more information so you know what the constraints are and what your options are.
In short, you have to gather more information on the options available. Don't rule out options right now just based on what your fiance and family and his family tell you, look into it for yourself so you can decide for yourself.
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