A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The guy that I was engaged to 1997 gave me herpes.I was still young in my twenties. This change my whole life. He didn't tell me he had it. I was so hurt I cried. At some point I excepted this of course I couldn't change it anyway. Ten years later I started dating someone I thought I could trust and who I thought loved me. I told him my situation. Although I will date a guy without telling him, however I will not sleep with a guy without telling him. Anyway this guy told so many people on my job until I was embarrassed to the core of my soul. People talked about me and made fun of me so much I thought I wouldn't make it.It has been eight years and there is always someone who just passes my personal information on to new workers and when these people get upset with me they always laugh and talk about it. I don't know how to deal with this. My question is how do I deal with this and what can I do to have a fair chance at dating someone with people telling this. And by the way I haven't acknowledged to these other people that this is true because it none of their business. Please help I'm tired of being bullied with this. I need my job but this is rough.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2015): Who said anything about hiv I don't have hiv.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): i agree with tisha that its time to contact your solicior to see what can be done.
Definately speak to human resources and your union but also be glad the idiot who started spreading these rumours is no longer your partner because he is clearly not your soul mate.
If you had herpes you would be off sick with it so tell your ex to cut the crap and to back off and leave you alone.
Dont carry this burden alone because hiv positive people are still entitled to a decent working enviroment under anti discrimmination laws.
No one is entitled to make your working life difficult on the basis of a sexual contact disease you may or may not have had years ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): First-off, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It is what it is. You over-shared, therefore you must learn to live with the consequences; or remove yourself from your source of aggravation and anxiety.
The fact this has gone on for a considerable amount of time; and you've taken no action, softens the impact of your complaint. Everyone knows, so it's no news.
People gossip, and there isn't much that can be done about that; unless you have witnesses and can prove it's ongoing hostility and harrassment.
Is there a decline in your work performance due to stress, have you sought mental-health treatment or counseling for it; or do you simply not get along with your co-workers, and they just don't like you?
Why haven't any managers picked up on this? I don't see this happening in any business in the United States in these litigious days and times; and management has never given seminars or training on ethics, workplace bullying, and harassment. It's a huge liability. Few American businesses don't have a office code of conduct and behavior. Even at at McDonald's! Your work environment must be a totally unsupervised, uncivilized, and anything-goes
type of business; for people to behave so irresponsibly without any threat of action.
If you file a suit; you must find someone, or a few people, willing to corroborate your complaint. The fact they make so much fun of you, and talk about you in such personal ways must mean you're not well liked. That in itself should motivate you to seek new employment elsewhere. If you've stood up to it this long, why falter now?
It is odd that you've put up with this for eight years. Now you decide it's bothering you?
The thing about gossip is that it gets old. It losses it's juice and appeal after it's been circulated for so long. Why would anyone really care about your medical issues around the job anyway? How exactly do you know they're discussing it? If you know they are and who they are. Report it.
Why sit in the middle of all this? They cannot fire a whole staff at once, and a lawsuit can take years. If you have no witnesses or a history of complaints with evidence to support your claims; you'll just have to tough it out as you have over the years. I just don't see why it's such juicy gossip? You're a mature lady in her 40's, and such stories become difficult to believe to be more than gossip once you've reached such an age of maturity. It's no longer high school by a long shot.
If you can't take it anymore, get a new job and a fresh start. Find a place where no one knows you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): I never said I was trying to date people on my job. I did date one guy 8 years ago and have no intensions of ever dating someone I work with again.When I said I felt I didn't have a fair chance I meant that people keep bringing this up and it leaves the job and other people find out.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 December 2015):
 As your flag indicates you are in the US, then you are entitled to privacy about your medical information.
Go to HR at your company and file a complaint. I would also advise that you stop trying to date people at your workplace.
If you are being bullied then you need to take it to the HR professionals.
Document all the bullying incidents. Write down everything you remember or any emails or IMs or texts you received.
If you are in the US and in a workplace which has people disclosing personal medical information about you then you have a good basis for a lawsuit. Ask your friends and family for a referral to a good attorney and have him or her deal with them.
There are dating websites that will match you with people who also have Herpes, by the way.
Deal with the workplace bullying and illegal handling of your medical information with a professional. Document any and all interactions with HR and with any of these people.
You do sound like you have grounds for a lawsuit, but then, I'm not an attorney or qualified to make such an assessment.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 December 2015):
 I know this wont solve the immediate problem (talk to your boss perhaps or change your job), but I feel you need to take pride in yourself.
It was not your fault that you got herpes. It is not something to be ashamed of. It does not mean you are any less of a person, or should be looked down upon for. Bullies will bully over something, no matter what, and will always find something to pick on that makes no logic. Just like being bullied for wearing glasses... You know what I mean. There is NO reason or excuse to bully someone, and whatever reason is just bullshit.
But you need to take pride in yourself and stop telling yourself that having herpes is sinful, or embarrassing, or something that makes you any less deserving of respect and love.
Having your personal information flaunted around like that is terrible, I understand, and we'd all feel horrible about it. Because it's personal. Not because it is something to feel ashamed of. You took care of yourself, and you've been honest with new partners, and you've been responsible and have done nothing wrong.
Take pride in yourself, and do not feel ashamed.
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