A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello... I'm 21 years old, mother of a 5 month old son, and in a (soon-to-be) two year relationship with a wonderful man. He's a great person and father and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. But lately we've been having some problems with the whole "spark" thing... I seriously feel as though we're drifting apart and becoming more parents and room mates rather than a family and in love. I also just recently found that he had been active on a dating website that he had signed up for after his last ex and him broke up. On his page he had claimed to be a "single father looking for more...". I spoke with him about it and he said that he wasn't actually looking for someone, he was just curious. I don't believe he would ever cheat on me, but I am afraid he may be losing interest in me... What are your thoughts on his state of mind and how can I maybe put some passion back into my relationship with the little time we have in between parenting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): You two are too young to already be falling out of love. Its not up to one of you to rekindle the spark. It takes both of you. If he's not taking the initiative, you must. If you love him, I mean really love him, you will find a way to interest him. You MUST think outside the box. Do something you've never done, get a relative to watch junior overnight and get a hotel room, even if its just down the street. You cant just sit by and watch the relationship fade away. And thats exactly what it will do. "A rose watered is the most beautiful thing in the world. Without water, it is nothing more than a weed."
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): He is clearly also unhappy with your decision to become a family and is trying to get out. He called himself a "single father" and then insisted he wasn't attempting to date other women?? He was lying.
You need to focus more on time spent, just the two of you, or lose your relationship... if you don't want your family split by divorce, take action immediately. Get a babysitter, go on dates, don't neglect your sex life or romance itself.. you are still boyfriend and girlfriend. You are a family, but in your mind, you cannot cast yourselves into the single limiting roles of "parents". Don't grow old in your minds. A kid forces you to grow up in a lot of ways, but don't allow yourself to switch, to turn so extremely from what you once were... It takes work, decided effort on both sides. Talk to him about this. Don't let him flee after only 5 months of change, no matter how dramatic. Leaving is not the only option, unless there REALLY is no other option. Make sure you are both Sure!
-Tante Victoire
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