A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been feeling rather down these last couple of weeks, and it seems as if it's turning into some depressive episode. What baffles me is that there really is no reason for me to feel this way because I live a pretty stress free life, aside from the fact that I really hate my job..big time!....but who doesn't? I got out of a long term relationship last year that did do a number on me so to speak, but I have moved on and am actively dating. The women I've been dating are very attractive with great careers, fun, engaging, etc. At the same time, I can't seem to "connect" with anyone in particular, especially in this high pace and dynamic dating world we live in.Some of my friends are envious of me since I do rather well with the ladies. They're all saying that I should stop complaining because, per their words, "it's not a bad place to be....trust me". What bothers me is that I feel like I'm regressing; I'm basically doing now what I was doing in my 20's, which is dating a lot of women and fixating on the chemistry and physical aspects. It is a great ego boost, especially with women half my age attracted to me.So here I am: I've got money in the bank, no bills, fit with all my hair and teeth, look young for my age, do very well with the ladies, but I still feel empty and isolated half the time. My peers are clueless and assume that I'm happy 24/7.What is going on?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 you have the money, the dates, the looks, the lifestyle, but I think what you are missing is love. From the outside looking in your friends are jealous, they want what you have, no worries, no strings attached, while I think you want someone who is a life partner, someone who you want to grow old with, share your life with. Multiple dating is okay if you don't want to be tied down, but I think deep down you want something meaningful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Fishdish:I understand the difference between endogenous and exogenous depression, and I've dealt with both to an extent. My feelings of dysphoria tend to be (mood )reactive, and they're also induced when I have a lot of down time to think and ponder.I'm very active physically, my appetite is good, but my sleep pattern could be better. I'm also active about 4-5 times a week with social groups and what not.@female reader:The reason I hate my job is because the good and easy money is basically gone now as the result of the industry I'm in; it's a major blow to my ego making $25K less annually. The good side of the equation is that I have lot of freedom and flexibility with my schedule. What really bothers me is my lack of motivation to find something else knowing that recruiters will place me in the same industry again. I guess that the overriding theme is this idea that I'm living life like a broken record; I'm doing the same things over and over, which isn't bad per se, but the passion is often nil!I really miss what I had with my previous girlfriend of many years. She would light up life on any given day, and I would feel great for days. Again, I'm meeting so many beautiful and nice women, and I'm currently seeing one who is twenty years my junior....very attractive and sweet person. But there is a generational gap as far as being able to discuss geopolitical dynamics and the effects of quantitative easing on interest rates....lol. You get my point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2016): I wouldn't neglect the impact a job can have on one's overall well-being. Working in a bad environment, doing something we don't like, doing something stressful, something meaningless can take a great toll. Just because you're god at something and earn a lot doesn't mean that you can't be unhappy about it. If you downright hate your job, well it is a constant source of bad energy, negative thoughts and then negative feelings.You talk a lot about your age (how younger you look). Age is not about how old you are but how old you feel. Maybe you feel tired or you feel that something is missing in your life something that a person of your age should have. Even though we sometimes think that our lifestyle corresponds to our wishes, we may be wrong. Sometimes we have certain preconceived ideas about how our life should really be and then when we actually get to live our dream, we become unhappy. More often than not we find ourselves living somebody else's dream (what society or certain groups within it dictate as happiness) - your friends think your life's perfect according to THEIR standards.Anyway, a talk to a therapist might be beneficial.
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 You probably realize this, but I always think it bears repeating: there's a difference between situational depression and clinical depression. Situational depression is based on circumstances. Example- "I gained weight and now I'm depressed because I don't like my body." "I moved away from home and I am depressed due to this new environment/isolation"
Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance. It is not attributed to anything necessarily other than that imbalance. It literally can be "nothing is wrong but something in me says everything is wrong." In a way, "nothing is wrong" is the worst thing you can think of because if nothing is wrong, then there's no reason to feel the way you do, right? The problem is, this assumes that mental illness is volitional, and that people CHOOSE to feel bad, and that they CHOOSE not to rise above and that they CHOOSE to wallow. The reality is much more complicated, I believe. Mental illness is rarely about choice. It means you (may) have an imbalance. It doesn't mean something caused it, it doesn't mean someone did it to you, it doesn't mean you aren't a strong person, or that you're failing to "rise above" whatever is eating at you. The fact is: it is eating at you, and it is eating at you because it can.
I'm not saying you are clinically depressed, there's not really enough information to say so. If I had to guess, you aren't, because it sounds like you're still getting out there and doing activities. But I do think you're feeling like your life is a little empty right now, like you don't like that you're stuck in a superficial place in the dating world right now, for example. Or maybe it is lacking some kind of greater meaning. It never hurts to see a therapist to get their take on it, or at least have a listening ear there, rather than be surrounded by people who neither seem to understand what is happening inside you nor interested in finding out.
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