A
male
age
30-35,
*epressedDude
writes:Hey guys. Well, the title says it all. I badly screwed up my relationship. I always hurt my girlfriend in the past and she just kept taking all my BS until she can no longer take it anymore. We were together for 4 months, by the way. So anyway.... I used to always think she was cheating on me, and that always hurt her. This was my first serious relationship so I always used to doubt her because I was afraid to lose her. That's why I kept thinking she was cheating on me whenever she talks to other guys in a friendly 'flirty' way just for fun. But in the end, she really wasn't cheating on me and I felt like a total @ss for always doubting her. I tried everything to get her back. I made her a card, I wrote her a letter and I even bought her a necklace. But nothing worked. She told me that her love for me decreased and her feelings for me changed. She even told me that she doesn't want to come back. I understand why she doesn't want to come back because I screwed up so bad and no girl would continue to keep taking my BS. She already gave me 3 chances and I just want one last and final chance for me to prove to her that I can treat her right and that I will not hurt her anymore, but she tells me that she doesn't believe in me anymore. She says that I hurt her way too many times and she also said that she gave me way too many chances. She even tells me "I have nothing to offer you. I was so in love with you but all the BS that happened killed everything for me"Whenever I beg her she tells me that I'm forcing her. She even says "I already made my final decision. I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I don't want to come back" but I'm not forcing her. I'm just trying to convince her. A week ago, she accused me of something I didn't do (I don't want to go into details because it will get too long and you guys probably won't read the whole thing). But she did accuse me of something I didn't do. And in the end, she found out that she was wrong. Even after she accused me, I still love her and I still have feelings for her. I told her that I will do anything and everything to get her back. I even told her that I will even go to the ends of the earth to get her back. To me, she's worth it. And that's why I keep begging. I love her that much. But everytime I beg, she always says "Stop forcing me"Please help me, someone. Please. I think about my screw ups all the time. The only screw ups I ever committed was thinking that she was cheating on me with other guys. We used to argue a lot about her and her guy friends. I've screwed up so many times, thinking that she's always cheating on me, but in the end, I found out that she really was not cheating on me. I told her that if we go back together, I will be more open with her and I will tell her whatever is on my mind. Because when we were in a relationship, I always used to keep things inside me and I never spoke to her about things that made me feel uncomfortable. I want to show her that I am a changed man now but she isn't giving me the chance to show her. Please help me. I don't know what else to do. She even tells me that it's too late for her to come back. I don't get how it's too late. I don't think she's getting affected as much as I am. She just wants to be friends with me but I just can't be friends with her because it will remind me of something I used to be...something more. She even says that the 'friends' thing is working for her. But it's not working for me.Please don't tell me to move on because moving on is not an option for me. The only option for me is getting her back successfully. I want to make her want to come back. I don't want her to come back because she's 'forced' to. I want her to want to come back. Please give me advice on getting her back. I even told her that if she comes back with me and if we break up again, I won't beg for her to come back again because I will know for sure that me and her were not meant to be. But now, I have so much hope in myself that if she comes back, we will be a successful relationship. I am in love with this girl and I simply can't fall for another girl like I did with this one. Please tell me how to get her back. It seems like I have to do something extremely big that will make her want to come back. I just don't know what to do. Me and her are both going to be seniors in high school and I'm only going to be thinking about her all the time, which might also affect my grades. Please help me, somebody. Please.Thank you very very much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): You can't tell the posters what NOT to tell you.....you have no other choice, but to try and move past this situation as your ex has already stated to you several times on several occ. that she does not want to be with you, her love for you has decreased and frankly she is not interested in you. I think that is clear enough don't you think? You can't expect to treat people wrong and think they are made of steel and will keep taking the mistreatment in stride.
You are still very young..I say focus on school, learn from this mistake and never make it again in future relationships. I think you should respect your ex's choice to move on with her life. Don't stalk her, don't contact her...just leave this young woman alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): ok whatever holly7000 said is what i suggest too, you need to give her space.. don't broach the subject about getting back at all. Be friends with her but keep minimal contact with her. hopefully she'll start missing you. good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Alright, I see your situation here. Since you keep on asking her back to you is not working, in this case I think you should take it slowly. I'm not trying to say not to get her back, but in my opinion it's best to let her settle down first. Give her some time. Just be good friends at the moment. In this process, do something that you usually do that will take her heart back to you again. Don't rush in things especially in relationship if you don't want it to fail. Eventually time will decide for you whether it's worth it or not.
It's important to respects others decisions especially the ones you love. You might not think that your forcing her but she might think so. Different people have different thoughts. So you must learn to understand from this.
It's important to let things cool down first before trying to continue it. You will need some time for her to let whats has make her lost confidence in you. You will need to take back her confidence in you. Trying showing that you still care for her. Of course caring in an extra way.
Hope some of this will help! Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 If you want her to come back to you peacefully, then do what she says. Just be friends and show her in a friendly non-romantic way that you have changed. Take things slowly again. Be patient. I think the fact that she was wrong in accusing you of whatever she accused you of, may just work to your advantage. It shows you aren't lying and it'll help to build her trust in you again. So help to do that. Be her friend, be there for her as a friend but show in subtle ways that you still feel something more towards her and then, when the time is right and she trusts you completely again, she may just want to get back together with you.
I hope that helps.
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