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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I put this one on other place and I have never done this before but I need help. So public I need your advise. Here we go.I have been happily married for 12yrs. been together for 15yrs. We don't have children. We have always done things together. Between recreational to working side jobs. We enjoy being together. Then a few years ago I came home from work early and shocked him. He had porn on and was doing something. Need I not explain more. I was crushed. It took some time to get over that hump. Because I blamed myself for not giving it up more. Then our sex life because fun. Added the romance, role playing and other things. He told me there was no more of went went on before. I believed him. I always told him what we do we do together. I did not mind him viewing this as long as i was there.Ok, two years later. I still in the back of my mind wonder and ask and he has been honest. Yes. He stills sometimes. Lets face it where there is internet there is porn. But here is the worst and why I am writing. I needed to check the email to find a chick had email my husband about spanking. What was that all about. I printed it and confrunted that. He said it was for fun. Again, I have told him things we do we do together. He told me he has never met her. Talk to her for only two weeks. How the heck am I to feel. I am beside myself. I don't want to walk away from my marriage over an email. He swares he has never cheated. He has emailed this "chick" during lunch on his cell phone. He will no longer do it because he was busted. Now as we say there is a trust issue. Will I watch his every move, wonder about where he is at, emails, cell phone etc. I promised I would never be one of the wives that would be up her husband's butt. What would you do? How would you feel? and am I right for working on my marriage and do I walk away after 12 years? Help I am devested......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): This is Devestated Wife:
Thanks for the helpful responses. I have read each one. It has been a few days since the incident occured and I am really trying. The tears have slowed down. Each day I think maybe it might get easy (I hope). I told my husband on Wed. nite that I am a fighter. I was not giving up so easy. We have had a wonderful marriage. I repeated our wedding vows... Reminded him of the rings we wear and asked him once again will he be emailing or talking to this girl and will I ever here the word Divorce.... He said No to both. He has been on his best behavior and very loving. But yet in my mind I will always wonder when the phone rings, when he quickly gets off the computer or if his cell phone beeps. I will be suggesting councling but just trying to get through this week has been rough enough. I am 35 and have been with this man right out of high school. He has not been my first love but for him I really have been it. In the back of my mind I have always wondered about marrying young "23". But its been true love. And alittle about myself. I am not a prude. I have a wild side. I don't do porn.... But love to wild just like the rest of them. Thanks again...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): I can well understand how you feel. 12 years is a long time, how old are you? How are you going to trust him in the future? I don't think i could but that is me. He sounds to me like he is testing the water and maybe getting ready to cheat in the future. Sorry but i would have to move on. These are just the things that you have discovered, what about those you haven't yet seen? No i would have to have a good talk with him and then tell him how it is and how you finally want it to be. You only live one and you shouldn't be made to feel like this. If after all the talking you feel no better then i think you should consider a future without him.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Maybe you and your husband would benefit from marriage counseling. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. He violated your trust. Where will it end? First it's porn, then it's e-mails, pretty soon he's meeting someone for casual sex. Is it boredom? Has he fallen out of love for you? Does he have some kind of addiction? Perhaps a counselor can help you guys talk about these issues and find out why he's jeopardizing his marriage for something like this? Please do not blame yourself. I think the question should be, how would he feel if the roles were reverse?......What if he walked and caught you viewing naked men, and fondling yourself? What would that do to his fragile, male ego?.....And if he stumbled across an e-mail from some guy who talked about spanking you. How would he react? How would he feel? My guess is, he wouldn't like it at all! Unfortunately, even if he refrains from futher activity, it will take you years to trust him again. Seek counseling. You may be able to overcome this issue with help and understanding. I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): I have almost the same issue at home - I caught an email that my wife received from her cousin a few months ago where there was mention of extra material affairs between them. When confronted my wife denied any wrong doings and said "it was only a joke". Since then she opened another email account to which she doesnt know I know of.
To answer your questions:
What Would I do? I love my wife as you love your husband, but it seems to me that even though he claims he hasn't done anything I can see that one day he will - temptation is hard to resist and he seems obsessed by her - emails, cell etc. Right now you have to confront him make it clear that he is to no longer to engage in any contact with his spanking girl friend if and only if your marriage means anything - if he says you are silly then he is hiding something.
How would I feel? Humiliated and distrustful.
You have every right to want this to work out for you. 12 years you can not just throw away - but have your talk give him the ultimatum and see what he does next.
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