A
female
age
41-50,
*enta
writes:Said the wrong the thing and now he is ignoring me?I met this man 8 weeks ago. we were seeing one another 3 nights a week going good having fun enjoying one anothers company. Then suddenly I accused him of seeing someone and he assured me he wasn't and he let that go. Then a few days later I got stupid again and said something wrong. After having a good night on Tues well Thurs comes around and I messed it up. For the past few weeks I have only seen him once a week so It kept me wondering why we are dying down. So on Thurs I said to him" For some reason after we go to the Celtics game next Fri I do not think we will hang out that much after that" I said I just feel like that's coming from you. He texted me back " Wow I do not even know what to say"I am going through a divorce so I hold some insecurities and he told me that I need to keep them to myself because they are frustrating and unattractive. I just feel like he is gonna up and leave and if I keep pulling this crap he will. He pretty much said if I keep talking this way it will happen. Then he texts me back saying that he thought I should bring another friend to the game and that going to the game was tainted now. I apologized and told him I wanted him to go to the game and he was the only one I wanted to go with. He said he did still want to see me just that he didn't want to go to the game. How can I get him to go? I did send him a text today and heard nothing. I think he is done with me??? Advice please38 seconds ago - 4 days left to answer.
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female
reader, jenta +, writes (10 January 2011):
jenta is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you!!!
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Oh for goodness sake! If he doesn't want to go to the game, why are you pressuring him?!
And why, oh why, did you accuse him of seeing someone else? Do you have a good reason to think he might be, or are you just AFRAID he might? (if the latter, you're plucking ideas out of thin air - literally - and doing that is just about NEVER a wise thing to do!)
I understand that going through a divorce is rough, and you are experiencing a lack of self-confidence and insecurities because of it (are you concerned that the divorce will leave you short of money to live on, for example?) but you can't foist your worries onto him, you know. Those are for your attorney or a counselor to sort out with.
You're driving this man away as it is. I hope you haven't fully succeeded in alienating him. Maybe don't contact him at all for a week or two, and then if you do (if he hasn't gotten in touch first) try to be friendly and relaxed.......
The advice from the other aunts is excellent, hope you take heed and act on what they're telling you!
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Part of this whole thing is that you are putting out negative vibes. When you keep putting out negative vibes, people get turned off. You are going thru a divorce like you mentioned, so the best thing is to distance yourself from your divorce and when you're dating just go out there and enjoy the person you're with..otherwise, if you continue on this terrible path, you will lose him to someone that's carefree and fun to be with. Put yourself in the other person's shoe...do you want to be with someone that's constantly either a downer or someone that says the wrong thing or phrase? It kind of makes you want to step back and wonder where this person is coming from.
You also have to ask yourself...are you ready to go out with someone new? Then ask yourself all of these questions...do I love myself? What do I love about myself? What makes me attractive? What kind of person do I want to put out there and be the best me ever? Am I fun to be around? Would I enjoy being with me if I were to date myself? Before you can love anyone else out there, you must love yourself wholely and totally. The good thing is you care about your partner's feelings. Now...where do you see yourself in 5 years? Do you want to be happy? Do you want to be miserable? You are a good person and you have something to contribute to the world and to that special person that will hopefully be the love of your life. Don't let your ex-husband keep you from meeting that special someone out there -- you. Then when you do find yourself, then you are ready to present yourself to the world and in to the arms of that special person.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 You have only known him for 8 weeks, life is not Bold and Beautiful where people meet marry have children, have affairs with step children, die, come back from the dead and remarry each other in a 12 week period.
Its only 8 weeks, 8 short weeks, I think you are putting too much pressure on him and on the relationship.
Relax a bit, find something else to focus on besides this man, you arent even divorced yet, you still need to work through that, he has already said your insecurities are frustrating and unattractive, listen to him and back off a tad.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 hi
you don't say why your marriage ended, did he cheat or you felt he fell out of love with you in some way? and is that quite recent? are you over your husband (honestly?) why did you say you wouldn't see much of him after the game, is it because you wanted reassurance from him that you were wrong to think he was cooling off? no decent man wants to be with a jealous woman, he has only known you 8 weeks and you have kicked off like this already just as he was getting to know you. you have come across as a bit high maintenance i think i don't reckon you will do yourself any favours by trying to press him into going to the game with you after he has already told you no. why did you accuse him of seeing someone else? did you have any reason to think that or were you again, just looking for reassurance? this man has only known you for a short time so please understand that it is not his job to reassure you, i think you need to do some real thinking, and do all you can to mend yourself after the marriage break-up and then you will be ready, strong, and relaxed enough to be with someone else. if this man doesn't come back to you now, its NOT the end of the world ok? you DEFINITELY WILL get over it, and you can use this relationship as a practice one, and hopefully your next relationship will be a happier one. and if he DOES come back to you, make sure that you don't be like this again with him, take more time to think about things before you say them or accuse him of stuff
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): You say that you are going through a divorce right now, and whether you believe it or not, you are highly emotional. Even if you started the divorce proceedings, even if its been years coming, believe me, you are on an emotional roller coster right now.
Part of me, when I first read your post, thought to myself, what is she 16 ? I couldnt believe your age, because your post came across really immature.
In it you say things like, I said something wrong .. again, and you came across neeedy.
Seeing the going through the divorce statement, I more understand why you seem to be this way.
I really think though that you need to find yourself again, not let a man define who you are.
A partnership is two people, who have lives, then intermingle them, who bring different things to the table and enrich each others lives. Im sorry, but your just not able to do this right now.
As for this man, if you texted him, and got no response, you can chalk it up to two things. 1)He was busy or 2)hes not that into you.
Either way, I wouldnt try to contact him again, the ball is in his court and let him do with it as he will. I also wouldnt let it eat me up, I would move on with my daily doings.
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