A
male
age
,
*ndrewmelb
writes:Please help. I am newly married and I said something stupid on the weeknd and now she will not have anything to do with me. I am utterly heartbroken. We have recently come back from our honeymoon and my wife has not yet moved into my house. There were some rennovations done but they are largely finished and only cosmetic things need doing. I had a terrible week at work last week and was very stressed. Friends and my wife were coming over for a dinner party on Saturday night. I hadn't really spoken with my wife apart from a few practical things for three days prior and was feeling unhappy. The conversation we did have was about her saying we needed to buy plates. I said it would have to wait until I was paid. She then rang back to say she needed money for groceries, again I said it would have to wait until I was paid. I was a little annoyed at this as I have groceries at my house and she was welcome to them but she still had made no plans to move in. I saw her briefly on Wedesady morning when she came over to talk to the builder about the rennovation. I then went to work. Next I heard from her was when she texted me on Friday saying "what time will I come over on Saturday?" I replied, stupidly, "come over but it will be the last time" . On Saturday in the afternoon she came to my house in my car and her flatmate followed in a hire car, that my wife had hired. I was peeved as I didn't undersatnd why she hired a car when she was needing money for groceries adn also beacuse I couldn't talk to her openly with her flatmate there. She then left. When she came over to the dinner party, she had no intention of staying and went to leave when the other guests left. I said we need to talk and said "can I talk tomorrow?" "She said tomorrow is a yucky day". I saw red and said that I don't want to be your partner anymore. "She said you're dumping me?" and strormed out. I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean it. We've just come back from a honeymoon and had a great time. Our communication has been strained at times as we both dissociate a bit. Our love has never been in question. It was stupid of me to say what I did, I can only figure I said it as to get a reaction, to get her to move in quickly. Now she won't talk to me at all. I have sent her flowers and if I ring she slams the phone down immediately. She thinks I was planning it but the "come round for the last time comment" and another text about "the last supper" was about it being the last time coming from somewhere else because I wanted her to move in. She has somewhat of a history of not coming around if someone offends her, she hasn't spoken to most of her family in years. I am really scared that she will not come back, I love her and am utterly heartbroken. I am really sorry for what I said. The last I heard was a couple of texts about a week and a half ago saying, "I am going away for two weeks, my family is concerned about your erratic behaviour" and "don't contact my family or freinds" These were curious as she is estranged from her family apart from a brother who lives overseas. I tried to ring, sent her letters and texts but all to no avail to explain that I said what I said to shock us into communicating better. I have put money in her account in case she needs it. There has been no response. What can I do? Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): Ok - you've said your sorry's and apologised for making stupid comments, you've virtually gone begging for forgiveness on hands and knees and still she's giving you the cold shoulder. You've had a honeymoon but when you get back from that you vitually live separate lives.
This isn't a particularly good start to a marriage is it? I know you're heartbroken, devastated etc, but if I were you I'd stop the begging, the flowers, the chocolates, the money. It's almost as if she's dangling you on a string and being as bloody awkward as possible. Either that or she's neurotic. Stop trying to get into her good books and let her chase after you. While you're acting like a lovesick puppy towards her she's getting some satisfaction from seeing you in this state. No doubt she's got a smirk on her face too. If you start to act distant instead of chasing after her she may come to realise that she's headed for one of the fastest divorces on record. But then - maybe that's what she wants - who knows?
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