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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend just bought another huge motorcycle. He wants to tour around the country on road trips. We are having a big debate about whether I will go with him or not. I am not afraid of riding on bikes but I am terrified of his poor driving habits, very unsafe, horrible driving habits. Eg: following too close and over-speeding. He is this way with the car, as well. He has had this new bike for 4 weeks and already has had two minor incidents, where his new bike got banged up. Both accidents were a result of him not being attentive. Thank goodness he wasn't hurt. I think I have finally convinced him to get into a safety training course for bikes. But, today he calls me from work, and tells me he backed his 5 ton truck smack into another parked vehicle. Again, not watching and being careless. I am at a loss. I have 3 adult children and quite frankly, I don't feel comfortable going with him on these road trips. I just don't want to get 'smeared' across the highway somewhere. In other words, I want to live a long time yet and enjoy the bounty of love and the lives of my children and grandchildren. I need suggestions as to how I get out of this. I have told him a flat out "no' as I know, I will not enjoy a 2400 mile trip with him. I know I will be a nervous wreck. He is very angry at me for backing out. I told him we could take the car but he doesn't want that. Am I being irrational? I trust him in every sense of the word...I just don't trust his driving. I guess that my backing out will frustrate him to the point of leaving. I don't want that but he is a risk taker and I am not sure if I can handle that side of him. I just wish he's grow up! Help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Boys love their toys :) I think maybe you could have worded why you don't want to go better, I mean if you have openly said it's because of his poor driving them I can imagine you have dented his poor male ego and that is why he is mad at you.
If you are certain you don't want to go then you should tell him it just isn't your thing and then tell him how worried you are about him and wish him well and say he is to look after himself. Word it all correctly and I am sure he will see, like you, that he is the risk taker but you are not. Also look at it another way, at least he wants you to go with him and it's not like he wants to get away from you. Also you wish his grows up but I'm sure you would be equally unhappy with a really boring old guy who does nothing with his life...
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Try to talk him out of it, out of going. Not until he has done the safety course and someone shows him the dangers.
No you're not being irrational. Like most, he has no idea what everyone else will go through if something happens to him on that motorcycle and it's only a second's lapse of concentration or the tinest overconfidence that will do it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Honey, you are doing the right thing. In certain medical circles, motorcycles are also known as donorcycles because so many riders wind up being organ donors, after they've crashed for the last time. Don't apologize, don't make excucses, just tell him that you don't want to be riding with himn until he gets through his safe driving course with the highest marks possible. And I think that he sounds like an appaling driver. I expect his insurance rates are very high. Does he have the proper drivers licence for a motorcycle? I ask because I read that the governer of California had a problem too and he didn't even have the right licence. Your guy sounds like he has the need for speed and isn't tkaing your safety into account at all. Get some organ donor brochures and ask him to sign his cards if he inisists on being so irresponsible. Maybe this will wake him up but if I were you I wouldn't get on the motorcylce with him. It only takes one bad crash. Give him a nice helment if you want to make sure his head at least comes back in one piece. So you are not being irrational, you are being rational, he is the one with the problem. Don't put your life at risk. Maybe you could have him videotaped while he's riding this motorcylce and have it reviewed by a motorcylce expert or club and have them give him a criticsm about how hes riding. If hes almost recked it twice and hes only had it 4 weeks then he is unsafe. At any speed.
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