A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am just a normal guy, almost hitting 30, and looking for my better half. I have been in two serious relationships so far, never married, though.First of all, let me start by mentioning that I came to this country only about a year and a half ago.I had this translated for me, because in reality I don't speak English, I barely break a few words.I came here with a work visa which eventually expired. I have found work as a truck driver, but in my country I was a male nurse. I liked working in healthcare; I am a normal guy, not a trucker type at all. But here without a visa, that's all the work I could find.Several months ago I created a profile on a couple of dating sites on the Internet and sure enough, my luck has brought me the connection with this great girl, who lives 11 hours apart from me. And here's where my problem(s) started.We clicked from the beginning, and we started calling each other all the time. She's in her early 30s and I also found out that she is a virgin, which I was a bit shocked at first, but I am OK with that.She is very attractive and beautiful, and she could've done a lot better in real life but there were circumstances throughout her life which prevented her from finding someone who she can spend the rest of her life with so far. I said she could've done better because I can accept that I am not the most beautiful guy, I am a normal guy, with an athletic look, but when she is next to me, she shines with beauty and people see that.She is also already an American Citizen, she's been here for several years, she has a steady secure job, savings, she went to several schools, and she lives with her sister and her husband in a new house. As you can see, she is "up there" somewhere, already.So we started this long-distance relationship over the phone and after a while we started discussing when I can go see her. I managed to squeeze a day in my schedule when I drove like crazy all night to go see her where she lives. We therefore, finally met face to face. She was even more beautiful in person and I my falling for her was complete at this point. I didn't let her know of this yet, but I noticed that she liked me, too. We walked around a park that day and being a little cold (in February) when I took her hand in mine and put it in my jacket pocket she put her hand in my pocket and we walked like that.Anyway, since then I was only able to see her one other time, when I managed to visit her for an entire week. It was draining for me, with a difficult financial situation and the long driving and everything. But it was worth it! That week, this past July, was the best week of my life! I have to tell you that I am a bit forward and I've always been. I took her in my arms the first day we saw each other that week, which was right in her room in her sister's house, and I wanted to start to kiss her on her face and mouth and neck. She is the shy type and she was resisting and giggling and smiling; I’ve never seen any girl behave like this, but then again, maybe she hadn't seen any guy behave like me with her before. I have slept with women in my life and I may appear different for her. Nevertheless, she liked the attention. No kiss that first day, but only one on the cheek when I left.However, the week went on to be a wonderful week. We got more and more into each other and by the third day, after walks and time spent together and french-kissing and holding, I finally got to touch her on her breasts (on top of her clothes, she is still a virgin).She didn't mind, but the next day she did tell me that that was a little fast and she is not prepared for that yet, because we just started seeing each other. So I understood, and closed that chapter. I did mention to her that if she continues to wear those tight T-shirts that make her breasts big I am only human and I can't resist. I don't know if I should've said that or not. She has very nice breasts, a good shape, not small. And most men like busty girls, I don't have an excuse myself.Now, as the week went on, we got to spend a lot of time together, and the last two days also with her family (sister and brother-in-law) who are very nice people and I felt very comfortable around them. The last day when I knew this dream was going to end because I had to leave back home, I think I may have caught her in a vulnerable state (she was sad too, to see me leave) because I tried touching her breasts again and she again didn't mind. Now this has confused me a bit. I left it at that, I didn't open the conversation about this with her again.You may have read all this so far and keep wondering "so what's this guy's problem?".Well, my problem is that I not only had a very good time with this girl who I want for my wife now. But I also discussed with her that I will want to move to her town and for this I have to work a lot to save a lot and be able to provide her the kind of life she is used to now.Therefore, after I went back to where I live, I started going crazy over the thought that yes, indeed, this was a nice dream, but what have I gotten myself into? Will I be able to do what I promised this girl? It's been two months and I haven't the slightest idea about how I can get closer to her financial and social level in order to be comfortable to provide her the nice life she is already living and marry her. I don't want to be renting a dump and marry her and bring her in there. She's fought to get where she is now in this country and her family put a lot of effort in this too helping her. She actually discussed these things with me and about a month or so after that wonderful week she let me know that she will not wait years for me to do something so that she can marry. She did say that she cares for me a lot and she wants us to be together. She never said that she loves me, although I tell her that all the time. She also has been very nice about trying to teach me English as much as she can, via e-mails. Also, I don't want her to think that I want to marry her in order to be able to stay in this country. It's true that I would be out of luck without marrying a citizen, eventually I would have to leave the country. But I also fell in love with her, so now it's very hard for me. Sometimes I am very down, and a couple of times I even told her that I don't think that I'll ever be able to reach her level and be able to marry her. What's even more, she enrolled in school again, and this fall she starts a couple of classes at a college in order to get a Bachelor of Arts degree. That will of course, take a few years and she will invest her time and money in it.On top of this, I also made her mad a couple of weeks ago, because she was going to the beach with her sister and brother-in-law and I was jealous that "a lot of men are there". That weekend I also went to have a facial massage in a private home at a lady who I know and I've done that before I met my girl. I told my girl about that but she got a little upset not knowing what to think of me. I am also a guy who shaves his underarms and that may have been a bit of a shock for her, too. That weekend I also screwed up big time. It was the day of our anniversary of nine months since we started talking. And for her is an important thing. She kept calling me all day and couldn't get in touch with me because I didn't have a signal. Then I went to work and I left my phone in my car, since I thought that I won't have a signal, but sometime in the evening she called and was able to get through to leave me a message. She was very upset. Of course I should've called her from another phone, at least to let her know that I'm OK. Since we had talked every day since that week together, she was very upset and I think that she had the right to be, although I denied to her that it was my fault, I told her that it was out of my control since I didn't have a signal on my phone. She told me that she doesn't believe me, that whatever I did that day she doesn't even want to know about it. Since then, we only talk once a day and only for about 15 to 25 minutes; before we use to talk twice, even three times a day which would add up to a few hours on the phone. She has also started to be a little cautious in everything she says, she is still nice to me, but not so "into me" like before. She still says that she wants me to do everything I can to be able to move to her town and be together with her. But the main thing is again - what have I gotten myself into? Will I be ruining this girl's life, too, if I make her wait indefinitely for me?I am very afraid for our future, IF I even have one with her.
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anniversary, breasts, fell in love, jealous, money, shy, still a virgin, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 If you love her, you should move closer to her and see where the relationship goes. If you don't, you will always wonder and that will drive you crazy in the long run. Things may not work out for the two of you but you're never going to figure it out doing this long-distance thing. Relationships that have already been established for years, and are healthy can barely survive the whole long-distance thing, but a brand new relationship is doomed for failure if you aren't living in close proximity of each other. Take a chance. At least then you'll know. Good luck.
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