A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, I know we are sort of young...im 18 shes 17. The point is that I had a great relationship with her father, which was very important to me and very important in keeping the LDR alive. Last summer I had visited her for three weeks and her father allowed me to stay in their home, of course I had to ask permission, I did but my sister wanted to come too and she is sort of shy and didnt say thank you to my girlfriend father (my sister came because my girlfriends sister and my sister are good friends) Well everything was fine, and I decided that I wanted to see my my girlfriend during christmas break. I talked to her dad about it, and he said he was perfectly fine with it. There was one problem, I wanted to go by myself, but my sister wanted to come too...I felt bad for her but I kept delaying the time for when I was goign to ask my GF's dad if my sister could come too. I never did and I told hi mat the last minute. He was only expecting me to come not My sister and I. The point is that now he feels that I disrespected him, and he feels that I cant stand up for myself without my sister ruling me. He went from thinking I was perfect to thinking I am not worth it. I really feel horrible about it all, and My girlfriend told me that I ruined the relationship I had with her Parents. I ruined it all, He even told her to tell me that next time I visit I should get my hotel room. Any Advice? Thanks...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, you nailed it and thanks for your answer. Now I know exactly why My GF's father is upset..
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 October 2010):
He did overreact slightly, but at the same time has pointed out a huge problem.
Your sister.
I don't have a daughter, but I do have a sister. If her boyfriend came to the house with his sister once, I'd accept it. But if he did it again unannounced, I'd suspicious that:
1 - he was taking the piss.
2 - that his sister ruled him and he can't handle his own life.
Fathers/brothers want the best for their daughters, hence the third degree treatment you get when meeting a prospective father-in-law. He wants to know you're in control of your life, that you won't take advantage and such. Why did you bring your sister? Why didn't you tell her she couldn't come? That's the issue here. You're being controlled by your sister.
So, you have three letters to write. One to your girlfriend apologizing, and one to BOTH of her parents individually also apologizing. Explain that you are willing to prove yourself again by accept their rule about the hotel. Stay at the hotel and really make a whole new effort to fix it. And next time, leave your sister at home. You're there to see your girlfriend.
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