A
male
age
30-35,
*skingcupid12
writes:On Wednesday night I found out my girlfriend had been actively looking for someone on a dating site, after logging into the account I seen she was flirting/dirty talking with this other person, I confronted her the second I found it.We've been together two years and I have forgiven her behaviour so many times, the hurt she's caused but I warned her if you cheat on me in anyway it's over, so I told her that, it's over. For about two days she blew my phone up with 60+ missed calls which I didn't answers, texts and Facebook messages. She then said she was going to hospital because she's in a bad way about us breaking up, I asked if she was okay, I'm about 90% sure she didn't go to the hospital and was trying to guilt me.I eventually did talk to her the day after, she asked for a chance to fix things and I thought it's been two years our relationship deserves that but now I just think.. She couldn't even give it the respect it deserved. Now suddenly she wants to get involved with my family, have is publicly in a relationship on Facebook, take my idea for our anniversary last year which she wouldn't go on and use it as her own to woo me.. Why is she even bothering? These are things she should have already been doing.I resent her and I'm starting to dislike been around her, I am sexual attracted to her but then I remember everything she's done to me the last two years and I resent her for it and I can't stop myself, I can't forgive her and I feel bad for it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2014): I have been through the same scenario with my boyfriend for 2 years..First I thought he was scared to be in a committed relationship due to his previous break up and how he mis led me through all this. Two break ups later he begged me to give him another chance..I was specific about the rules..no interacting with the opp sex on a unacceptable level if he wanted trust. Six months later I thought we had made a great breakthrough and were in a good place..he had been also manipulative like your GF with the tall stories..this time I had suspicion eventually again and found his password used on many sites..I unearthed a whole can of worms that thoroughly make me feel ill and that i dont/will never know that person ...and a heap of worry on top. My biggest regret is going back to the illusion that turned me into the disillusioned me.. I now hate him...don't put yourself in the firing squad for more..walk..fast..and don't look back!
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 October 2014):
 Dude this girl is immature n outright nuts. you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 I have a feeling you think you NEED to give her another chance because it has been a long relationship and she has begged and promised change and seems to really want to be with you... You seem to be someone who easily feels guilt. Which she plays on quite well. You don't need to feel badly or guilty for not being able to forgive her. One day in time I am sure you will forgive her actions, but this does not mean you should be in a relationship with her. Some relationships just don't work out, some people are not good together. You are not expected to forgive someone who screws you over in a relationship just because of time put in or your partner is upset. You set personal boundaries and deal breakers, when your partner breaks them then they aren't the one for you.
Everything she is doing now is manipulation because she is scared to be on her own. Made clear by her threat to go to the hospital. If she truly cared, she wouldn't have been on a dating site. There's a reason you can't forgive her right now, it is because she doesn't deserve it. You think you need to stay because of time put in so far, but could you marry this person? With everything she has done in 2 years and cheating on you? It doesn't matter what time you have had in the relationship so far (and 2 years in the scheme of your entire life is nothing) , what matters is your future in this relationship. Why waste any more time on this girl when it isn't going anywhere?
There has been far too much bad for this relationship. And even now she isn't sincere, these are things she should have already been doing. You are young, she's supposedly young as well, she has some growing up to do. And she is certainly not the last girl you will ever be sexually attracted to. This relationship didn't work out, you will have plenty more. Better to let it end than continue to drag on until she messes up again.
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A
female
reader, Melanie0517 +, writes (28 October 2014):
You said it already, you are sick of her crap. You should in no way feel guilty, she abused you one too many times. You said you have forgiven her before. that's is already very good on you. But it seems she really can't be trusted, and you don't even like her anymore.
She will be doing everything you want/need for a little while, but it will revert back. People can't change themselves that drastically that quickly.
Even more so, you said yourself you are starting to dislike being around her. Get out and be happy. It is not your fault, she hurt you and now you simply see her for who she is.
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A
female
reader, GRSHHogwarts  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 i think you should break up with her seeing as she is cheating on you and she has been mistreating you for 2 years. i know that breaking up with her will make you feel bad but i think it is the best thing to do
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 Quiting a drug is very hard to do but once done you are free!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): Look at what the history books tell us about appeasing dictators. Instead of them turning to, it just makes them bolder.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 October 2014):
She's a mess and she's found someone who mostly puts up with and doesn't want that to end. Not to mention she's likely very insecure (a huge reason for cheating), so to have you leave really triggers that insecurity.
All of that's not your concern. You need to find a healthy woman who makes you happy. Because without happiness what's the point of love?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2014):
 In time you will come to realize how unhealthy this relationship is.
You have spend 2 YEARS dealing with this HOPING that LOVE will "fix" her. MAKE her a good and faithful GF, but it won't.
Having been together for 2 years, doesn't mean you are now STUCK with each other and HAVE to work EVERYTHING out. Some things CAN'T be worked out. Some things can't be undone, erased or forgotten.
Why is she even bothering? Because in the 2 years she have been able to get away with crap and guilt you into "forgiving" her. She knows with the "right" manipulation (like claiming she had to go to the hospital due to YOU breaking up with her, like blowing up your phone, wanting to do things she didn't want before that YOU wanted) it is making you CONSIDER getting back with her.
Is this how you want your future partner to behave? If the answer is no, then END it. CUT ALL contact. BLOCK HER, REMOVE HER, DELETE HER in every way from your life. If she has stuff at your place, pack it up and ask a mutual friend to drop it off as hers. If she has a key to your place, HAVE NEW KEYS MADE. If she knows ANY of your passwords, redo them. If she knows you banking info or her name is on any SHARED bills - take her name off. (or yours).
In time you WILL resent her less and you WILL be able to FORGIVE yourself for having WASTED 2 years with this chick.
I know MANY people have this notion that they can FIX their partner, that their partners will CHANGE for them and for love. THAT really doesn't happen very often. CHANGE happen when a PERSON realize that their OWN actions are truly wrong - they don't "claim" to change overnight (like your GF).
Getting back together with her would be the biggest mistake you can make. Sexual attraction or not. YOU can find someone better suited for you than her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): When you feel resentment towards someone, and dislike them, it doesn't make sense to continue being around them.
You told her if she cheats on you it will be over. Stand by your word, or else she will view you as a pushover.
Regarding Facebook, unfriend her and give your family a heads up your relationship with her is over.
Time to move on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 October 2014):
 This happened last Wednesday?
I'm confused - you mentioned last Wednesday's betrayal, but what is this all on top of? You said that she has been mistreating you for 2 years, and that you basically had to put the relationship under threat, which she broke last Tuesday.
You only have one thing you can do now. You gave your word that if she cheated on you in any way, then it's over. For you to do anything less than that makes you weak and useless, and she will continue to walk all over you.
You don't know the meaning of the words "It's over".
If "it's over", you don't continue to talk to her.
If "it's over", you block her social media and delete her contact information.
If "It's over", you don't ASK her if she's okay after she announces that she's going to the hospital.
If "it's over", then why are you in this situation??
Everything that is happening to you NOW is not her fault. It is YOURS. She walks all over you because you are letting her. If you said that it's over, and it's NOT over, then you don't deserve her respect, or anyone's respect, because you don't have SELF-respect.
There are millions of sexually attractive women, so please tell me that your penis isn't mentally castrating you right now into going back on your word.
End the relationship. You said you would. It's not fixable. You put 2 years into it. TIME to cut your losses before she traps you by getting pregnant. If she lies about the hospital, do you not think she'll keep lying and walking all over you?
Follow through and THIS TIME, cut all contact permanently, block her on Facebook so she can't leave messages. Block her phone and texts so that she's not blowing them up, and face it, you say you resent her, but for 2 days, your hurt little ego was lapping her grovelling up. Come on now. Are you serious, or does her cheating turn you on?
Get your head on straight and get rid of her.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 October 2014):
 Soooooo, what's to stop you from snipping the cord, dumping her, and getting on with your life???
Surely, you don't expect that you'll run in to ANOTHER such insincere, unfaithful and conniving woman during just ONE lifetime!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): Hi, I think you said it exactly right when you said "these are things she should have already been doing." My parents (still very happily married for 36 years) didn't give me much relationship advice before setting out, but one thing my dad did warn me about is the insincerity of people who take you for granted during the relationship, and then promise anything to get you back when you leave it. Why were they not doing these things before you broke up? The message this sends is so completely "I wanted to see where your breaking point is when it comes to my bad behavior, so I can get away with as much as possible." Does it not occur to them that a breaking point is just that: a breaking point, the end, and not a warning sign for them to get their act together? Please do yourself and your integrity a favor and walk. You deserve better than this throughout the entire relationship, not just when you've had enough. You'll be doing this girl a favor too by leaving her; she has a lot of growing up to do.
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