A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was never a hookup person but I’ve had a fling after I heard a lot of “you are single , experiment”. I didn’t regret it much. I’ve had another after a few months but I was supposedly in a very short romantic thing with him before I ended it. After that I had a one night stand without protection . I don’t know what I was thinking, I made a huge mistake. I went into depression and anxiety and realised what I’ve veen up to mindlessly. That was never the person I used to be. Whatever happened to me. I don’t think flings are wrong , not at all but I’m not someone who would enjoy it . How could I risk everything and go with strangers without thinking twice . This happened 3 months ago but I still regret it. It still haunts me. At my age, having 3 films is too much? I can’t seem to forgive myself and let it go.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2019): I didn't get married till I was 28. I had at least 10 partners I just met. I guess I'm tall, dark, handsome and funny. Most of them said they never did it so quickly. I believe them. it's 4 million years of wired survival taking over. Unless they didn't want a second hookup, I always tried for one. My wife is my most prized just met encounter. And she proudly admits I wasn't her first rodeo. She could keep that to herself a little better.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 April 2019):
 Sweetheart, you are young, you decided to do something different, you realized it was not something you enjoyed so you stopped. Where's the problem? Nobody died. Nobody got hurt. You learned a valuable lesson. End of.
If you haven't already done so, get a sexual health check. Once you know everything is clear, move on. I can't even say "forgive yourself" as there is nothing to forgive. Nothing bad happened.
In future perhaps trusting your gut instinct over listening to well meaning advice from others might be a good thing?
Shoulders back, deep breath, smile. You are still the same person you were, just with a little more "experience" under your belt. Save sex for when you are in a caring relationship. You know the other sort doesn't suit you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 April 2019):
 Well, OP did you LEARN from your actions?
It seems to me, like you did.
Beating yourself up won't change the fact that you behaved in a way that you NOW don't feel proud of. No amount of self-flagellation or self-hate will change the past.
SO you had 3 flings. OK. You GOT that out of your system. Having flings or even a random hook up is NOT for you.
LESSON learned, OP
Was unprotected sex with a stranger stupid and dangerous?
Yes. You need to take MUCH better care of yourself than that.
YOU got VERY lucky those two times you went home with a stranger. And now you know NOT to do that again. Like you said, you are OK with flings but it's JUST not for you. AND THAT is OK too!
I agree that a STD panel is a GOOD idea.
If you were drinking the two times you went home with someone without a second thought, maybe... don't drink the next few times you go out with friends.
I can see why some people get into casual sex situations. It's a nice stroke on the ego that someone WANTS you, even if they ONLY want you for sex. But afterwards, I can also see that someone might feel a bit used.
KNOW that you are GOOD enough to DATE. To get to know. That you are GOOD for MORE than just a ONS or FWB or a fling.
IF you WANT more, don't SETTLE for less.
If you don't WANT to date seriously right now, then don't but STILL don't settle for casual sex and DO consider that YOUR SAFETY is YOUR responsibility. I mean that in EVERY way, your SEXUAL health (as in AVOIDING getting STD's or pregnant by some random stranger) and your PHYSICAL safety by NOT going home with some random stranger.
Casual sex is not all that it's cracked up to be in the media and cultural pop. It's just people rutting with whomever is available, like a couple of barn yard animals. And you KNOW that isn't for you, so TAKE control and BE in control and just DON'T do it again.
I would also advice that you try something like Yoga or some other relaxation and exercise. Something that WILL make you FEEL good about yourself.
You deserve to treat yourself better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2019): Get yourself tested for any possible STD infection just in-case.
We all do wild or irresponsible things without any real explanation. It's being impulsive, and it often happens after we've had a major failure or disappointment in our lives. Continued reckless and impetuous behavior is a sign of mental-health issues.
I can only speculate that somehow you were hurt by someone or something profoundly; and you internalized your feelings. You temporarily lost it, and just allowed yourself to act out of character and without responsibility. Suppressing anger and frustration will sometimes make us do things like that.
You gave me a clue. You went into depression and anxiety about your behavior. Perhaps that is exactly the cause behind it all. You have some issues to workout. As ClairM suggested, you could use some professional counseling.
Whatever it is that you've buried or might be suppressing, may rise to the surface; so you can confront it, and deal with it. Meanwhile, when feeling a self-destructive impulse coming on, do everything you can to avert and avoid acting on it.
Do not come in close contact with unfamiliar men when you feel yourself in this state of mind. It's dangerous!
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