A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts,Hope somebody can give me advice.Married for 8 years with 3 kids.Last year I did something stupid and unforgiveable. A new girl started in our office.We became quite close as she did all my typing etc.She started asking me out at lunch time to a park nearby to eat our sandwiches.She told me her boyfriend had finished with her.She asked how things were with my wife and I told her we were having a few problems which of course I shouldnt .I felt good talking to this girl and she started hugging and then kissing me and I responded A few weeks later she asked me to come out with her for a drink.I told my wife I had to work late .This was the first lie I ever told her.While we were having a few drinks I became very uneasy about it all and then I thought what am I doing here when I should have been with my wife and family.I then made up my mind this had to finish.I didnt feel anything for this girl . I just seemed to be sucked into something I didnt want.Even though my wife and I were having rows over silly things which I now realise they were.I love her dearly.I could never invisage life without her and the kids.I pulled back from this girl.Trips to the park became less in the next 2 weeks and the hugging and the kissing were more brotherly . I felt I had to do it gently as I was afraid she might contact my wife.I asked for transfer to another dept in the works.I hardly saw her again.I felt very ashamed at what I had done and couldnt look my wife in the eye for weeks.I felt such an idiot.I realised what I had to lose and the thought was unbearable.My wife and I got over our bad patch with me showing more understanding at her workload at home loooking after the kids.4 weeks ago I was mowing the lawn and my wife came to tell me there was answer phone message for me from this girl to say how much she was missing me and enjoyed our trips to the park.I tried to ring her back to tell her what a bitch she was to do that knowing there ther was a good chance my wife would pick it up but the no. was witheld. As you can imagine my wife went beserk. I sat down and told her everything what happened.It nevre went beyond the hugging and the kissing.I was stupid and silly and my wife was the only girl I ever loved.She says she forgives me but now I cant forgive myself for the pain I have caused her with my stupidity.I never had any contact this girl from that time. I didntknow she had my phone no as she had left her job afew months after I transferred to a different dept.I wake up at night and ask myself why why was I so crazy to have done this to my wife and family.I cant believe the pain I have caused to the dearest person in my life.What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): Hi, I've been married for only 3 years and something like this has happened to me. I was upset with my husband an felt as though I couldn't trust him for a while. I don't think you need to do anything more, it just takes time that's all. My love for my husband hasn't gone over so small, to be honest i'd rather forget an move on. Maybe you should do the same. That pain your feeling shouldn't be felt anymore because you've done your best to mend it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): although you have been truthful to your wife, you need to ask yourself what this girl meant in your life for those few weeks. hugging and kissing- you just don't do this with just anyone, so maybe you felt at first excited that a younger woman was persuing you, making you feel younger and wanted??? yes you felt guilty after you a while but for a brief few weeks you strayed, both emotionally and "physically". what is done is done, but you what have you learnt from this brief fling? the other question is would you ever do this again.no use being upset with this other woman, you should have been straight with your wife after this fling. now this message has bitten you in the arse (sorry not being rude). right now it shouldn't be about you, you need to focus on your wife, her feelings of betrayal and deceit. you have much homework to do to get back your wifes trust. she may say that she forgives you, but human nature is such- we NEVER forget.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): Forgive yourself! We are all just human, not perfect. It happens in life. Be thankful it didnt go too far. Bad thing is your wife may some day have the same thig happen. You will have to be understanding and forgive her as she has done with you!
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A
female
reader, MisVally +, writes (26 July 2009):
Dear Mr,
First i admire you for your honesty, the fact that you broke things off with this other girl before it got serious it shows that you are a man who loves his family and wouldn't want to lose them.Secondly you told your wife everything and i think that if she forgave you then you let the guilt go and forgive yourself also. and as far as the other girl is concerned i think she just needed some closure after her boyfriend left her therefore she thought you were the person to comfort her.
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