A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can’t help but feel disappointed. My bday will be by time this message gets posted and I feel so alone. I have text a few friends that may have forgotten but they are busy. Close friends knew but are working and have made no plans to even just spend some time with me. I don’t want anything in return, I jus wanted to avoid being alone. I assure you just a phone call is nice. I don’t mean for ppl to create a fuss. I have a friend who keeps asking me what I’m doing, I tell him nothing and he proceeds to poking me saying so go on tell me what’s the grand plan. I tell him nothing going on really , as soon as I cave in and admit it would be nice to do something , he reveals “oh I’m working” :). I feel double silly for asking him and also letting how see how lonely I am. Only now I realise how little people are willing to change or do something for others. I regret doing so much for people over the years. Only to find myself alone. Yes I’ve done all the nice walks, excersize, treating myself. It gets boring. P.s. my ex gf even text me asking if It’s okay to send pics of us in a bday card. I said it’s up to you, you know they are good memories...than she replied I don’t even know if it will be there on time so I might leave it. It’s that attitude that his not important. It’s so pathetic I’m grown man but reality hurts me. Thanks for listening to my rant.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2021): Hi wishing you a very happy belated birthday and many more happy returns of the day. :) :)
I am a single and attractive woman in her thirties, like one other poster here I too have very limited friends and scarcer birthday wishes.
You birthday dear friend is for you primarily to celebrate your existence. We celebrate this day each year to gently remind ourselves to put ourselves first beyond anything else. I realized this a few months back. Who ever you are where ever you are - you are a rock star. Keep shining. You will soon find someone worthwhile coming your way and will stay forever in your life bringing all happiness and joy that you probably think you lack. Until then hang in there- I am in a nearly similar situation. and yeah chuck that friend of yours. I had someone similar in my life- she blocked herself because she couldn't bear to see my office mates throw me a farewell celebration. I don't exactly miss her ;) :P.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2021): I guess for some people a birthday means a lot more than others. It honestly doesn't mean much to me and hasn't since I was a child. Maybe it's different for women but we tend to 'downplay' birthdays - at least me and my few friends do - maybe it's to do with getting older and perhaps wanting to keep quiet about it. We do celebrate other things but not hugely - maybe a drink or a coffee and a chat, that kind of thing.
I think it's harder for men to make friends. It's a 'thing' and it gets harder as you get older; men aren't supposed to show their emotions or any need, which I think must be very hard.
Honestly, I think by far the best advice is to join in some groups where it's the activity that is important, and any potential friendships are made through the activity. If you join in an activity that involves teamwork of any kind, and helping others as a team, then that is a great way to make friends. You could try a sports group, or volunteering - for example helping to do decorating for people, or clearing gardens or suchlike; do a bit of online research and find out what's in your area and nearby - there are potentially tons of things to choose from.
The fact that you had a girlfriend indicates to me you will get another one - you could try online dating as well, if you are lonely for a partner as well as friends. The other thing I think really works is learning together in a group. You can do countless courses on line, some are free and some you join in with for a small fee - there are so many things - learning languages, learning new skills. Another thing that's great for meeting people is dancing - don't immediately rule this out - so many people swear that going to dancing classes - salsa, swing dance, anything - can be a great way to meet others. Many dance classes take place in halls or above pubs and people tend to go for drinks afterwards. Or there are rambling groups which mean walking in a group and usually going for a drink afterwards. The trick is to keep persevering, don't give up after one go.
Depending on what education you've done so far, you can also maybe get a grant to study in college - college is by far one of the best ways to meet new friends and a new partner. There's also work - in the right kind of workplace, you can meet good friends who will want to go for a drink after work.
There will be people and other men out there who will be just as lonely, if not lonelier than you and would love any company you can give, it's just a matter of finding them and voluntary work is a good start, if you can't do any of the above. Failing all of that, dogs are man's best friend - and they also can be a way to make new friends; so many people have dogs these days that it's easy, if you get into a routine of taking your dog for walks at the same tine, in the same places, to also get into the habit of saying 'Hello' to other dog walkers. If you get a playful dog, he will play with other dogs, and that will lead to chatting with the owners in the local parks and so on.
I know you say you've tried exercise and it gets boring, but exercise is really good for lifting you out of depression and it does sound like you are in a bit of a rut with depression, as well as being lonely - so keep up the exercise or try a new kind, to help to give you a bit of a lift whilst you try to get out there and meet new people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2021): Sorry to give a very negative answer, but I find the more you do for people the less you are thought of.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2021): I can relate to you somewhat and I don't think I have any advice for you but I can just share my experiences.
I have been very lonely for most of my life because I have no friends. It feels pathetic to say that in my thirties because I'm a successful, attractive woman and looking at me you would never think that I am actually friendless. I'm very close to my mother and a few relatives but sadly I've never had any friends. I did have a few in school but we lost touch and when we did reconnect, it was just not the same.
I am lonely on my birthdays and while I have an amazing family and an extended family who go out of their way to make my day special, there is not a single friend that I have. I don't know why I don't have friends. Men have always found me attractive and have gone out of their way to be good to me but women not so much.
I guess I've accepted it now and I'd rather be alone than have shallow friendships. I also get very bored but I've learnt to keep myself entertained by watching stuff on Netflix etc.
I'm sorry if my answer was of no help to you. As I said, I have no advice other than asking you to chin up and just do what makes you happy. I don't even know if there is ever such a thing as a truly great, selfless friendship but hey, if anyone has that, they're seriously very lucky!
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A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (16 August 2021):
 Happy birythday! I know how you feel. I like to count my birthday cards each year. Each year they get less and less. It might be an idea to set a coupke of dates free around the time of your special day and ask some friends if they can do drinks. There might be a slot in their busy schedules that they could make if you do a more flexible meet up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): Hi
I thought I would reply before someone else does, as there are some people on here filled with bitterness and hatred and use it as a way to take it out on people (especially if they are named after a bird).
My advice would be sadly if you make yourself too available and too helpful, people will take you for granted and you will end up with people around you who are not true friends and just act like it in order to get some benefits from you. I think the best way is sadly to be less kind, i think you are probably a very kind person who tries to help others and maybe you just need to be more selective with who you are nice to and hopefully you can find the people who truly want to be around you, rather than just those who use you.
Hope you have/have had a wonderful birthday 3
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