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female
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*icky
writes: My boyfriend was ignoring me so I went to his house and said some relly evil personal stuff to him and then stormed out, I want him back what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2005): you acted without thinking, we all do that. even he has, but he is the one that has made you fell like this, so its not all your fault. i would apolgise and suggest you meet up at he looks at it from your side (but you were in the wrong so remind him of that). if its mean to be you will be togther again
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 September 2005):
 The first thing you do is recognise that you really overstepped the boundaries of a loving relationship.
I mean, really. He was "ignoring" you, so you said "evil stuff" to him? Why? What gave you the right to do that? You're not four years old, and this isn't a fellow preschooler who stole your toy truck!
This is your boyfriend, isn't it? Aren't you suppose to love him and help cushion his heart from the hatred and ugliness of the world? (I happen to think these are fundamentals of sincere love.) Why would you abuse someone you want to love you?
The way you responded to your perception that he was ignoring you was childish and excessive, and you won't be able to effectively apologise for your actions until you accept that.
The next thing you need to do is a bit of self-analysis. Excatly what made you think that he was intentionally ignoring you? Did he tell you he was? Did he put it in a letter? Was he smirking while he did it? Or was that your best guess, based on the fact that you hadn't had a response to something? Before you made your conscious decision to destroy your relationship with him, did you consider that going to his house and lambasting him was pretty final, with no "undo" button if you changed your mind?
I'll bet you didn't, did you? You got mad and you acted without thinking, and now you've lost the boyfriend you - until recently - only wanted the attentions of.
One piece of experience that I can share with you is - contrary to all the mind-games your girlfriends will try to suggest - you CANNOT get someone back after a broken relationship. You can own up to your mistakes, and you can offer a sincere apology. You can take honest steps to correct your failings. You can demonstrate improvement in the way you handle relationship stress. All those things are good and I recommend them. But there is no single action you can take that will make him say to you "Oh god, I'm so sorry that you screamed obscenities at me. Let's get back together and I promise to let you be my boss for all time."
All you can do now is apologise and give him some space to think about whether he's willing to risk another chance with you.
I would suggest your apology should be in person, but failing that, put it in a letter. Indicate not only that you're sorry, but WHY you know you were wrong and what you plan to do to fix things for the future. Don't try to suggest getting back together, except to say words to the effect of "I'm so sorry that I destroyed what we had".
If he wants to get back in touch after you've shown remorse, he'll know where to find you, and you can take things (slowly, I would hope) from there.
Don't fall for any quick fixes that your friends might suggest, like dating someone else "to make him jealous", or being snooty and "hard to get". In the long run, good relationships are not built on mind games.
Consider this one of those awful Lessons that one learns, and accept that you just might have blown this relationship to smithereens. Anything better than that is a bonus.
Sorry to be so blunt.
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