A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I recently found out that the person I live with has been communicating with prostitutes via craigslist and several other sites. He had a prostitute call him which tipped me off so I went through his phone and saw numerous calls and even perverted text messages sent to them. When I confronted him he became enraged and threatening towards me, swore he didn't do anything wrong or follow through and that he was just "messing around". He swears it didn't go any further. I didn't believe him so I got his cell records that shows he has been doing this for as far as cell records go back with his current carrier which is approximately two years. I'm sure if they went back further it would have showed more of the same. Is it even remotely possible he didn't follow through? Are there men that really do get off from just calling? The thing that is driving me crazy is that I can't prove he did more than what he said. The phone records only proved he called. I don't have any hotel receipts or anything like to prove more so he has the upper hand and can just sit there making me the bad guy for "spying" on this private sh*t. For many years he has been looking at porn on the net and as much as I hated it I tolerated it because he would yell at me for henpecking him when I expressed my displeasure and I figured if he's sitting home looking at that garbage at least he isn't out cheating on me. Now I feel like a total idiot for not seeing that for what it was. The sites he visits are web cam type sites which in my mind is cheating but he says it's not and that I am being ridiculous and that every guy does it. This whole situation has my stomach in knots and I just need some answers. Please spare me the just leave crap, I have no where to go. I just want to know what my situation is so I don't have to feel so powerless and confused. Thank you. PS: If anyone has tips on where to look for evidence or what to look for that would be appreciated. He deleted everything off his phone and doesn't seem to use it anymore. There's nothing on the computer either.
View related questions:
porn, prostitute, text, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): I agree with drphsych and annonymous. There are lots of men who like to talk to escorts and hookers but don't have the balls to follow through. Hard to tell if this guy is one of them. There is software you could use to find out if there's anything traceable on his computer, but if you don't trust him already, why risk hurting yourself further by digging for evidence. Frankly this guy doesn't sound worth your time. I now you don't want to hear the "just leave him" crap, but to me that is never an answer for anyone. You always have choices.
But if you feel the need to digg further, there are other things to look for. If he's deleting info or not even using his phone at all anymore, has he purchased another phone (the prepaid ones) that you're not aware of? Does he come home late from the office but always smell freshly showered? Maybe keep track of his speedometer if he drives to work everyday? Does he always seem to disappear from his job when he goes to lunch? Does he keep anything in his car that you don't know about (change of clothes? phone?)? Is he making large atm withdrawls (in the 200, 300, 400 dollar range)?
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 You can download software to reinstall whatever has been deleted from a hard disk of a computer. It is interesting that you refer to him as 'the person I live with' and then go on to say he is possibly 'cheating on me'. It is clear that you have no respect for him, and you don't even describe him as your boyfriend. I would treat his behaviour as being a bit sad and pathological to be honest. He obviously has psychological problems if he needs to pester sex workers and watch that much porn. I don't understand why you need to dig for evidence. You have already said you are not going to leave so I don't understand why you are looking for proof to compound your misery. If you are in a proper relationship with this man then surely he has already over-stepped the mark by communicating with sex workers? I think that would be the threshold at which most people would leave a partner. If you are not leaving at least use appropriate protection to make sure you don't contract anything should he be doing anything with sex workers (or anyone else).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I have a friend who works as a prostitute and the number of "time waster" she gets can be quite unbelievable. These guys seem to get off on calling up and booking a slot and then not turning up.
Relationships are built on trust, if you don't trust him then the best advice you can be given is the "just leave crap" there are always places you can go, hostels, friends and relatives houses...
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Is this guy your boyfriend, friends with benefits, what's your status with him? How is your guys' sex life if he's interested in porn a ton and some phone sex? Unless you live in Las Vegas prostitution is illegal. I'd tell him your going to report them if he does it again. The only thing you got is the phone sex, but no meetings. If he's gone a lot then yeah I would say there's meetings but you would need that hard evidence. The only other device you have is his cell phone which you already check, check his pants pockets before laundry for any evidence. You could follow him when he's out just to keep tabs on him or have friends keep their eyes peeled but even if you do that's a little much, do your really have time for that crap? What happens if you do find something what will you do then, will you leave then?
...............................
|
