A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a friend his name is Ruben, he is just really my ordinary friend but a very close friend. He has before a girlfriend, and i am a witness of their loves. they really love each other that almost got married. suddenly. his gf go abroad for some important reason. but it didnt make any problem to their feelings. they still very in love to each other, but something happen that their communication was cut off. after nearly 5 years of not having communication, my friend ruben think that she is already gone, that already go to another man. another 6months goes by,ruben come to see me and introduce to me 1 woman, he said that this is his new gf. after 3 months he told me that she is pregnant. During pregnancy, suddenly the original Gf of ruben send him sms and call, saying she only lost contact because of losing her phone and contact book etc. She explained a lot but its really forgiven by Ruben. They really still love each other, but Ruben become honest to his 1st gf that he have now another woman and she is pregnant. The 1st gf did not get angry instead, she understands him and is happy for him and they became more close friends to each other. After 1 year, Ruben got married but he and his 1st gf still have comminication as a good friend. and 1 day the wife of Ruben see a message of the 1st gf to ruben saying, " hi my best dear, how is life going on?me im fine and still kicking, dont worry i still love you ok.' and with that message the wife got crazy and have a big fight with ruben. Ruben come to me and ask for help to explain it to his wife what is really the relationship between Ruben and his 1st gf. and i did it, but it makes even more worst and she wants a divorce. I really wanted to help my friend but I don't know how. in this case i believe that Ruben and his 1st gf did not doing anything bad but only became really a good friend. How can i help in this situation?
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female
reader, patient66  +, writes (23 September 2009):
Hello,
It was nice of you as a friend to try to help him but You shouldnt interfear again, It will make things worse.
What he said may not be bad to you, but it is to his wife.
Put yourself in her shoes, would you want to read a message of your husband saying "I still love you" to another?
They must have had other problems as well that you may not be aware of? His wife seems like she has had worries about his ex before this. It takes more then just a one text for a divorce.
There's feelings between Ruben and his ex still and she prob sees it. (She feels like 2nd best)
Ruben needs to do this himself and explain that she comes first/ he loves her more etc , and show it. If he does not feel this way and he does love his ex more then maybe it's for the best.
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