A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupid’s:I want a bit of advice about my living situation please!I moved for work for just over a year now and moved just before the pandemic! Typical! I moved in with some fab people, all creative and it’s a 6 bed I’m getting to the point of my life now at 27 where I’m wanting to take control of things a bit more now I’ve got a good job and it’s really fuelling my frustration to move. I have struggled so much during lockdown, don’t get me wrong I’m very grateful that I have a roof over my head and with people I relatively get along with, but I can definitely feel my mental health struggling.I’m lucky to pay not much money as my room is very very small. It basically is a bed and clothes rack but with that I don’t have anywhere to work, it’s easy to feel very claustrophobic and I feel like i work around everyone else. I go days without eating because people are in the kitchen and I’d rather just not eat than get in the way and have to navigate round everyone else - and generally I just don’t get a good vibe anymore. I feel in the way pretty much all the time.I want my own place more than anything but struggling to know if it’s ridiculous to pay so much for a 1 bed. I earn 40k and the flats I have my eye on are around £1500 a month, bills included.I know it’s so much money, but I’m also starting to realise that yes I’ve saved a lot of money but at the expense of my happiness. I’m literally waking up, trying to avoid seeing anyone so have breakfast in my room, work with a laptop in bed, go and exercise after work then sleep.I’d love peoples opinions. And. Just to reiterate I know it could be a lot worse, I am generally a lot more anxious over the past months and of course emotions are heightened - but I’d really appreciate if people think it’s worth exploring other options like 1 beds.Thanks so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2021): Oh boy do I relate to this!! I was in the same situation as you about 2 years ago. Since early adulthood I always lived with flat mates. In my early 20s it was the best thing ever. However as I got older I found it very tiring. I use to tell myself the same things. That I avoided the kitchen and my flat mates because ‘I didn’t want to get in the way’. But in reality I was avoiding them because I was just craving my freedom and space. I couldn’t be bothered with small talk because I’d done it for years and had had enough of it. I also felt claustrophobic and uncomfortable living with others even though they were my friends. I never truly felt comfortable because I didn’t have my own space/freedom, me and my housemates have different opinions of how clean the house would be. I’d get frustrated with them leaving mess etc. So I avoided them so not to get angry and starting an argument. I decided to move out and get my own place and honestly it was the best decision I made. I now have my own freedom, can do whatever I want without judgement. I can have my place as clean/messy as I like. You know that feeling when you have had a very stressful day at work, then you get home, walk through the door and have that ‘sigh’ relaxed feeling. Your home, your safe and you can now put that bad stressful day behind you. That is what I have now every time I walk through the door. I’m home!!!!I never had that living with others. It never truly felt like home. I always felt like I was walking on egg shells. It increased my anxiety and stress massively. It’s never fun waking up to your flat mates mess or a random friend of theirs sleeping on the sofa. And THEN having awkward small talk with them!!!It is more expensive living on your own. But to me it is so worth it just to have a home instead of just a ‘roof over your head’. If it is affecting your mental health like it did mine - then it is time to move on from living with others.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (5 March 2021):
 As you say, its good you are grateful that you have a roof over your head.
I don't think its right that you go without eating just because your housemates are in the kitchen. Can't you just work your way around them, or wait till they have left so you can grab something to eat.
Despite they all being great people the living conditions don't sound that great, so yes its possibly time for you start looking at alternative arrangements.
Now is a good time to get on the property ladder, especially for first time buyers.
On the 3rd of march Chancellor Rishi Sunak said in the budget that the government will back a new mortgage guarantee scheme. This will bring back low deposit mortgages helping first time buyers to get on the ladder and own their own place. Obviously the more you put down for deposit the better, but i think being on the property ladder is surely a better future investment than renting.
You are on a decent wage so you more than qualify to get a place on your own, or alternatively do it with a close friend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 March 2021):
 Maybe look for something you only share with 1 other person? Or 2? Where you can get a bigger room?
And listen, OP
If you pay rent (and you do) you can use the kitchen just like anyone else. You are NO more "in the way" than they are. OK?
You don't have to hang out with people but DO go make something to eat, say hi, and then get on with your life.
It sounds pretty depressing that you just stick to your room so you aren't in their way. Live a little!
While they are nice people you might just need a bit more space. So think about it.
It is worth (to you) spending that much money to have your own place? If it is, go for it. If not, maybe just consider another room-share. With fewer people and bigger room.
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