A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I've been talking to this guy for a little over a week now, I already have pretty strong feelings for him, we have a lot of fun together and I love how easy it is to talk and be around him. I can't seem to be around him enough. He's really sweet too, I just feel like I'm in a movie. I went through a lot of pain in my last relationship so this is the first time in 6 months I've been happy again. The only problem is that this dream guy has a gf.. He hasn't even told me yet, a friend of mine found out and told me. He hasn't really tried too hard to keep it secret either though. I just feel really bad for his gf, I've hinted at it too. I feel like he feels the same about me, but I can't know for sure. I feel guilty telling him or making him tell me how he feels while he has a gf.. Should I just wait for him to tell me or end it with her? Is there a good excuse for him to do this? Should I just confront him about it? I wish I was strong enough to just leave him, but I really like him and I want to make sure we don't have a shot before I let this go.. Any advice please! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): If he broke up with her, then it is up to you what you do next. He may never tell you what happened. In fact, it may be better if he doesn't tell you. A guy who doesn't kiss and tell is of better character than one who can't wait to talk about his "psycho ex." Often times a "psycho ex" wasn't anything of the sort, and often times that is a red flag that if you break up with him, guess what? You become the "psycho ex."
A man who takes the issues from his ex and learns from them is what you want. He doesn't need to give you the details. In fact, is is respectful of her if he doesn't tell you all of the bad things, and a good sign he will be respectful to you. That's just what I think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe only were talking for 2 weeks or so before this, we never did anything wrong, we just talked. The relationship was pretty much over by the time we met. His other obligation was a trip with her, but he decided to say no or go as friends instead of lie. He's really not abad guy, we all lose feelings for gf/bfs so no need to be hating. I needed advice on how to get him to tell me about his gf. Which they weren't doing very well and it was hard to talk about he didn't want everyone finding out he didn't feel the same about her, so waited until he could trust me. They are now separated and we are just talking, trying to get to know each other.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): What concerns me is he says he has "other obligations" to that girl. What does that mean? Is she pregnant? Has she already had his kid? Are they actually engaged, not just together? At 18-21 I'm assuming that he's the same age, so really there isn't much obligation between b/f, g/f unless there is a child involved....
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (14 September 2011):
 What makes you think after you've witnessed his behavior towards her, that he'll make a better boyfriend for you?
You've seen the way he disregards the relationship. If you got together with him, do you really think he'll magically turn into a different person?
He won't. He'll be exactly the same. The only thing different will be the fact that he'll be hiding that he's dating YOU from other girls that he flirts with.
If you can really handle that, go for it. I suggest NOT coming back here crying in a few months when you find out what he's been doing behind your back, though. *shrugs*
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe told me about her right after I typed this. He old me he hasn't felt the same for her for a long time, before we even met. He has other obligations to het, but we talked and he's going to talk to her and end it. We have only been talking and casually hanging out so he never cheated, I'd do the same thing? Can I still not trust him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): If he has a girlfriend you should be the bigger person and not take action or confront him. I know it may be hard if you really like him, but that is right thing to do. Besides, if he is willing to cheat on a girl, then he will probably be willing to cheat on you later if you did get together. He sounds like a player to me. He's fun and easy to talk to because he knows that's what women like. He flirts and doesn't talk about his g/f, even though it is no secret he has one, because it is an ego boost for him. If he's not a player and he doesn'e want to be with his g/f any more, then he needs to do the right thing by her and let her go before hooking up with other women. You say you just got out of a bad relationship and are just starting to feel happy again. I say don't ruin it by getting into a huge drama where you are likely to be hurt again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): A guy like that doesn't have respect for his girlfriend. So why get involved? He would do the same to you. Food for toughts...
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (13 September 2011):
Put yourself in the girlfriend's shoes.What kind of actions would you want the girl to have if another girl REALLY liked your boyfriend?I bet you'd say, "No actions. Because he's MY boyfriend!" And you'd be correct.So, take your own advice, and move on. Leave him alone. He's taken, and you would NOT appreciate being mistreated by some selfish girl who decided that you don't matter.
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