A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 16 year old girl and I have never been in a relationship before. I've liked several guys before (not at the same time of course) and about 2 of the crushes were HUGE, they really impacted me and it lingered on my mind for a year or so. But I have never made any approaches or flirted or anything of that nature. I'm just not comfortable because I don't think I'm pretty. In fact, I think I'm ugly because I'm slightly overweight. Sometimes, I feel really insecure and depressed seeing other couples get intimate. It hurts me that no one seems interested in me and I long for a relationship, I want to love and be loved, to know what it feels like. I don't think I'm the ugliest girl around but I've seen uglier girls with boyfriends. I don't know what's wrong with me! A couple of times I even liked guys whom I haven't even really spoken to. But most of the time, I just really wanna look good and be a more pleasant girl that guys go for. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): Thank you, everyone for taking the effort and time to comment on here :) All of the advices are really useful, I'll try to practise them as much as possible. Though it seems that personality overpowers looks, to be practical, it seems that almost all the guys look at your face before they want to get to know you. It's still the sad truth but I will still try my best to overcome the fact that I may not be pretty but I can work on my charm. Thanks again everybody! :) :)
By the way, to the person who assumed I'm shy, I'm really not :) I am actually one of those who talks A LOT.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): I can tell you right now that being a bit overweight isn't a problem. Sure some people are that fickle, but I doubt it's what is holding you back. What's far more important is personality, and I don't mean "it's what's inside that counts" wishy-washy stuff. I mean a strong personality will get you much more attention than a pretty face. Men like confident women as much as women like confident men. If a woman knows what she wants and confident and engaging then it's IMPOSSIBLE not to notice her.
I know you said you just want to look better so guys will go for you but I don't think that's the answer. I don't know you, but I think it's likely that from time to time guys talk to you already, right? That you do get some attention. How do you react and behave when that happens? Do you smile and seem interested? Ask them about themselves and look them in the eye? Or do you look down or away, mumble and basically not show any interest? Well if it's the latter then you're giving off strong signals that you're not interested.
Believe me I know how hard it is to overcome that. I'm a shy person and somewhat introverted. I'm nearly forty and I'm just now coming out of my shell. The sad thing is now I'm ready to make the effort I find opportunites have dried up. I've never really had a girlfriend and would dearly love one. It may be too late for me but it's not for you.
I may be wrong about you being shy, but I can guarantee you that being a bit overweight isn't an issue (unless you're only interested in the popular pretty boy that all the girls in school go for). Just remember be confident, friendly and for gods sake when you're talking to someone show an interest in them. I can't tell you how many times I've made an effort to approach someone and try to drum up a converstation with her, asking her questions about herself and showing an interest in her, and her not reciprocating in the slightest way, but just answering my questions and droning on about herself. If you're interested in someone ask him about himself. Get him talking about his interests.
And if you need help getting to the point where you can actally talk to them and you're not confident enough to just march right up to them, here's a general tip that any woman, in any setting can use. Let's say there's a guy you like who you see regularly or semi-regularly and you'd like to talk to him but don't know how or are too nervous. All you have to do is say hi. Every time you see him just walk past and say hi. And if it helps you feel less nervous don't make a big issue out of it. Do it like this-is-just-me-saying-hi-because-I'm-a-friendly-person-and-I-say-hello-to-everone kind of thing. Not a big deal kind of thing. And smile! The key thing is to be consistent. Do it every time you see him (where practical). If you do it one day and not the next you'll confuse him.
After a while (and assuming he's been saying hello back which he will unless he's a complete tool) progress to saying how are you. Hopefully at some point he'll approach you and you can have a nice chat. And when that happens remember eye contact, smile and talk about him.
That's what happened to me with someone at my work. All she did was say hello to me when she passed me in the hall. That's it. Just "Hi Phil." But she did it every time and because of that I felt confident enough to start chatting to her and eventually ask her out. So you know it works!
I hope this has helped in some small way and that I haven't completely missed the point. I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, Blod  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 In the end, I don't think looks are very important. So long as you're both attracted to your other half, it doesn't really matter what you look like. You said you've seen girls who you think have less going for them than you in terms of looks, and they have boyfriends. That must tell you that decent boys fall your personality and not so much your appearance.
You sound like a sweet person, and although I haven't met you, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Try to love the way you look. It's the body you're supposed to have and although you might wish you could change it, it's who you are.
You'll find someone one day. So don't fret about it.
Good Luck. X
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A
male
reader, EscortHusband77 +, writes (26 October 2009):
I believe the above is bad advice.
You should do something about your looks if you want guys to approach you, as guys are very visual.
For instance you could lose weight.
You should also learn how to send subconscious signals to people you are interested in. Learn from a female friend who is successful with boys.
MR
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A
male
reader, EscortHusband77 +, writes (26 October 2009):
I believe the above is bad advice.
You should do something about your looks if you want guys to approach you, as guys are very visual.
For instance you could lose weight.
You should also learn how to send subconscious signals to people you are interested in. Learn from a female friend who is successful with boys.
MR
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