A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Every day on Dearcupid, there are multiple posts from students in love with their teachers, and now the tables have turned. I'm from Florida, and a TEFL teacher in Mexico, and I have feelings for a student.Before you freak out, it's NOT a kid... this man is in his thirties, and I am several years younger than he is. I know that I'm going to be judged for these feelings, but just because I have these feelings doesn't mean I would act on them. I'm not asking for approval... if I had no conscience, then whatever people on DC said would not stop me. I haven't acted on my feelings because I feel overcome with guilt and I'm not even sure that he reciprocates my feelings.This man doesn't see himself as anything more than a friend and I could never destroy that friendship. But I look at him and I see all the qualities I longed for and searched for and I keep thinking that he was meant for me and that if we had met years ago things would have worked out for me to have him. He has the most beautiful soul of anyone I've met, he goes to college and has a great job and finds time to work as a volunteer firefighter and the Red Cross... he gave me a lovely teacher's day present and he is always doing favors for me and when I insist on reciprocating, he says not to worry.I feel overcome with guilt because I imagine how I would feel if I were married and someone were to wreck my home. Then I think, no one gives a crap about my happiness and his wife certainly wasn't thinking about unselfishness when she selfishly snatched him up... I hate other women because there aren't enough guys to go around and you have to fight for the few out there. Sometimes I think that my happiness counts too and that I should fight for it because no one else cares about my happiness. When I see him and his wife together it makes me angry to see her getting joy from him and I think mean thoughts... like,''whore.'' I feel horrible because I know that he would hate me if he knew how I felt.I'm not sure if he is happy with his wife... if he is happy, then I'm cool with it. But I keep wondering if he is truly happy... I want him to be happy and maybe this is delusional, but I keep thinking, what if he really WOULD be happier with me? What if I regret telling him how I feel? I hate women who steal other people's husbands, some whore did that to my father and now he isn't part of my life and my home is broken... I hate my father's wife (my father's wife is NOT my mom, just his wife) and someday she will burn in hell but I look at her and can't imagine being that woman.I have been really sad because I know that at 32 my chances of finding someone are slim. I want a latino guy who is nice and sweet but they've all been snatched up and I don't think many would consider a US wife. I have never experienced sex before and I am at the point where I am going to die if I don't get rid of this sexual tension, but there isn't anyone to sleep with. All the nice guys in Mexico are either married, or gay. I don't want to throw it away on a jerk who is not going to care about me but I don't want to be 45 and still a virgin... I have been feeling irritable and tense lately and I KNOW that this is why. Should I just forget about ever finding a partner? I'm not trying to be mean but I would never consider a US guy as I am just not interested in white guys.I am depressed and cry a lot but I haven't told anyone. I feel like I'm acting in a movie all day... I feel annoyed practically every time someone talks to me, I just want to be alone, nothing that I used to love brings me joy... I take care of my pets because I love them, I go to school and do my job but I've devolved into an automaton and my heart isn't in anything I do. I LOVE Mexico but I would like to go elsewhere right now... I don't like the US and mostEuropeans don't like Americans (they discriminate against us), and I love Mexico but just feel restless here so I have no clue where I would go.I can't tell my mom how I feel and I am too irritable to speak to my friends. I am starting to hate other women... they ruined my family and the selfish whores snatched up all the nice guys... selfish. I wish I were just a gay guy because females, period are starting to make me sick. Why are other women so selfish? What if this guy is really unhappy and he would really be happier with me? How can I discern this without ruining his life or our friendhsip? I don't think I can stand to be lonely for the rest of my life. I tried so hard to do things right and here I am, 32 and still a virgin (big loser I know)... I am not saying you are a loser if you save sex for marriage, but I'm 32... it's too late for me to get married. :'( At my age it would be impossible for me to find a Mexican guy, I can't stand American white guys and being an American doesn't help.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Dear,
I believe you have posted many times about being a teacher in Mexico and desiring a latino man.
Every time, it has been suggested that you have an unhealthy obsession and depression regarding Mexican/latino men.
This is the first time I can recall you mentioning being emotionally drawn to a student.
He is MARRIED and you are obsessing on him and what it would be like to be with him.
Please consider taking a sabbatical from your teaching job and seeking a counselor. This is not healthy.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Wow you need to make yourself an appointment with your doctor immediately. Have your health checked out and get a referral to another doctor for some therapy. You sound like you are slipping into severe depression or some kind of related psychosis. This is serious get some professional help.
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