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female
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*weetheart
writes: I'm just having one main difficulty in life right now, and that's my own thoughts and security in my relationship with my boyfriend. I feel that I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. He is always telling me how much he loves me and is very affectionate. However, since being with him I feel that he's the most fantastic thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose that. We've even just bought a house together, so I know that he loves me and is committed to me and isn't going anywhere. He definitely adds energy to my life. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been before, and he encourages me to be more positive. On the other hand, finding him has turned me into more of a worrier, because now I feel like I have something to lose; him. He’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and my worst fear would be losing what we have. I think this is why I am so obsessive now about our relationship and keeping it alive (meaning I want us to stay the way we are- him to adore me and have fun together and communicate properly), but in being obsessive and constantly worrying about every little thing done or said I am kind of putting a damper on our connection. I really want to try and stop doing this, and I’ve said to myself that I would numerous times, but then I just obsess all over again about a comment he made (which the majority of the time would be a joke) and I get upset thinking that he doesn’t adore me anymore or that he’s losing interest. Sometimes I feel though that if I let little things slide they will build up and before we realise it our relationship will be on the rocks. I don’t want it to get to that stage. I also don’t want to ignore things that I feel so strongly about; obviously if something upsets me then it means something to me- and shouldn’t I be bringing these things up with him to work through them? But he always gets annoyed with me for thinking on the negative side all the time and over-reacting. I agree that I need to lighten up the majority of the time- but I also need to communicate with him when something upsets me. It's also been an issue lately that I am waiting for him to propose to me. We've been together 2 years, and we currently live together, and he always says that we will be getting married, and talks of time frames for starting a family etc. So I know that he is going to propose, and probably in the not too distant future, but he just hasn't yet and I'm worried that he'll keep putting it off. I just feel like if he adored me that much he wouldn't be able to wait to propose to me because he would want it as desperately as I do. I’m getting annoyed with myself because I’m turning into one of those girlfriends who keeps referring to marriage all the time- and I hate it. I don’t want to be that girl, I think my main motivation behind it is to get a clue as to when it might happen. But I don’t want to make him feel like I’m pressuring him into it. How can I stop worrying about the stability of our relationship and just learn to enjoy it again? I feel like I’m working so hard to keep us together when I really don’t need to be because we are stable, but I feel like if we don’t keep working on staying the way we are then one day it will just slip away. Yet by doing this, I’m probably making us head in that direction because of my obsessing. With the natural progression of our relationship I think the “honeymoon period” is over, and he’s not infatuated with me anymore like he was in the beginning, and I think that is when all of my obsessing started, when our relationship became more relaxed and we weren’t trying to impress each other by putting our best foot forward anymore. He wasn’t paying as much attention to me anymore and I think I subconsciously took that as a sign that he might be losing interest, or that I wasn’t as attractive to him anymore. But really I know that is ridiculous, he still adores me, but just doesn’t show it in the same ways anymore. The novelty of our new relationship and me has worn off and now we’re each other’s best friend as well as romantic partners in life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): I would say you have nothing to worry about at all.In 2 years of being in a relationship he has commited himself to you by sharing a home together that in itself i think is good going.Plus he has discussed the future which is another positive it shows he has thought about the future and he see's you as being part of it.What i think has happened is yes the honeymoon period is over and now the relationship has settled down and yes you are still very much in love and you have become more comfortable towards each other which is why you are probally feeling like best friends aswell as partners.This is perfectly natural as a relationship progress's which is a positive thing.It dont mean he loves you any less because he dont show it as often as he used to he more than likely loves you more as the relationship goes on.But he dont say it as often as you have become comfortable with each other.Just think about the positive things 2 years in a relationship living together he talks about the future and includes you i would say you have nothing to worry about. :)
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