A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in real devestation. I have been with my man for 10-11 months. During that time a lot has happened that has made me not trust him. First off, i found out he was with someone else for the first 6 weeks of our relationship, living with them. i gave him a chance as he ended it as soon as things got going with our relationship but i struggled very hard to forget and this has caused a lot of rows, some where i have gotten very angry and pushed him etc.He said the relationship was nearly over and he was just going through the motions then he met me.However, this would be easy enough to accept but he's cheated on EVERY SINGLE ONE of his previous long term relationships - he left his wife for another woman, then when that next relationship started failing he was having sex with a woman at work AND he run her phone bill up ringing sex chat lines.I have made myself ill with worry checking his emails, phone etc and having constant doubt in my mind that if something goes wrong he's going to go with someone else.Yesterday we had a bad, bad row. I was mostly to blame cos i carried it on and on when he wanted to forget it. But last night when he took me home and turned his phone off saying he'll speak to me tomorrow, i logged on and checked his emails and found an offer from SEXSEARCH.COM giving him a free membership update. At first i did nothing cos i was unsure whether it might have been from when he joined the site ages ago (but then when i think about it, i've never seen anything like that in his inbox before) then I logged out. I then went and logged into the sexsearch site again, and found out he was actually logged in last night, changing his profile, adding more about himself and what he is seeking in a woman.I was gutted to say the least. I sent him a text saying it was over, and i had every reason not to trust him and said that he was on that site. He had his mobile switched off so he hasn't received my text yet.Now I'm second guessing myself thinking I really love this man, think the world of him and feel lost lonely and devestated. Also he hadn't actually upgraded his membership so couldn't actually contact any of the women but I just thought, the intention was there so that was all i needed to know.Did i do the right thing finishing things with him? My dad says, how i can i say i ever loved this man if I distrusted him like i did. he said the relationship is a joke for me to check up on him all the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): hi there i am the one that posted the question in the first place.
I am not sure now whether the profile was updated on saturday night now as when i went back to it, the profile was as it was before. and also he had text me saying that he didn't even have access to a computer saturday night and denying everything.
It's making me so confused... was i too hasty? It's cos I don't trust him that made me so certain at the time. Also cannot stop blaming myself cos i have a bad tendency to get bad mood swings and say horrble things to him when we got into arguments and he used to say that i treated him like dirt. My anger seems to take over when i feel insecure.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (22 June 2008):
 A basic foundation for any relationship is trust. Yours never had it. When you are in a relationship you should never feel like you have to check up on the other person. If you do, either you have issues with feeling insecure or there is a reason to belive the other person is not trustworthy. In your case, your relationship began with him lying to you. This is a serial relationship man and I will guarantee you that he was looking for the bridge to his next relationship and what he had with you wasn't sincere. He was looking to leave.
So, bravo to you and whatever you do, do not go back to this man no matter what he says. Do you really want to spend your days checking up on your man, never trusting him, always wondering if he will leave you for the woman next door? Really, try to move on. You did yourself a favor, now accept that some part of you wanted out.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): Your dad seems a very wise man.
I am sorry to tell you but you were wasting your time with this guy; You knew from the start that you could not trust him; however, you were probably hoping that he will change; that with you it will be different; This guy will never change; well let me re phrase it; not easily, it will take many hours of counselling and even then there will be no gaurantees;
What is a relationship if there is no trust?
I am sorry for the pain and hurt you are feeling right now; but you did the right thing to "kick his butt";
do not allow him to convince you different with some sweet talk; please be strong;
You know you have done the right thing; no matter how difficult the next couple of hours and days might be; you are better of without him; he was using you!
Get out there, go out with friends; meet other people; you will find somebody geniune and sincere; you deserve a loving relationship with somebody that will respect you and whom you can trust.
Keep us posted.
Be strong and good luck! Don't cry or feel sad; Smile and be happy you got rid of the "creep"
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