A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm really down, I know I need to move on, but I really love this guy and I keep thinking when he comes to his senses he will come back.I met this guy just before Christmas 2006, we talked on the phone a few times then I said about meeting for a drink, he didn't seem keen of this but was more interested in coming to my house. A couple of times we made arrangements for this but I let him down. In the end I gave in because he kept saying he was a busy bee at work. Anyway we hit it off, we never went out anywhere and when I asked him why he said he had always done this and it wasn't his image.Anyway one Friday night I made him take me out for a meal. We would only meet Fridays because I had a son of 14 and didn't want him coming to the house while my son was there, I wanted to be sure before I introduced him to my son.Two months went past and we were still seeing one another, he kept hinting about moving in. I thought it could be a good idea so I let him meet my son. At this point I wasn't going to let him move in yet, he offered to do my bathroom for me for nothing, which I thought was a nice thing to do.Anyway as time went on a relationship did develop but he was unsure what he wanted, one minute he was close then he was distant. After time he was cutting down on the times he came round, before he was here 5 nights a week, I was cooking him the odd meal.He started lying to me about he could come round and making up excuses then he had to look after his sister's children for a week, which was true, in that week I never saw him, but he started saying hurtful things to me.I felt the relationship was coming to an end but because I really loved him I started to get clingy and was crying all the time.He made other excuses not to come round and I got annoyed because I knew it was a lie and I text him to say I'd had enough and it was over, I had done this a few times before, but we always got back together.4 days went past and he phoned me up at 3am when he had just came out of a club, and said he thought it was for the best only it's cruel what he is doing to me, I begged him to still come round, but he said he didn't want a relationship, he didn't want to settle down and he didn't want to be seen in public with me, as he didn't want people thinking we were a couple or married, as he wanted to be different from everyone else and stay single, because it didn't bother him being single.Then the next thing I know he has found someone else very quickly, and is moving away so he says.See in the beginning he got me hooked on him, kept saying do I love him, do I miss him, but wouldn’t say he had missed me, only kissed me on the first few times then said he didn't like kissing, but did it in the beginning to get me hooked, he told me this. There was no foreplay when we had sex and now I found out he has promised to move in with women before and let them down.A woman he was with last year became pregnant and he wasnt bothered. He is 40 never married and never been in any long term relationship. I was starting to get over all of this as it has been 5 weeks since the split, then Saturday he sends me a stupid email saying good bye from the gigolo.I just keep blaming myself thinking it's my fault why it ended, if I hadn't of kept finishing with him, wasn't being paranoid to his behaviour, and crying, he may have stayed.He also looked at women on the net in front of me and eyed up young girls on the occasions when we did go out and he also tried to chat up some women at a bingo hall. He started to put me down saying I was getting fat. Thing is, I still love this guy and I don't know why?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): This man has avoided all serious involvement and I know it sounds harsh but all the running seems to have come from you. He is no good in relationships and sounds completely selfish. You deserve much better so cut off completely from him and find someone who knows how to treat you right. In the meantime turn to your friends for support and try to do some fun things because all you are doing is focussing on him.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Loving someone who's done a lot of harm is the ordeal of so many people. You are not worse than anyone for this. All you need to do is get the courage to get over him and move on.
It seems this man is a cruel player. You should see him in this light; do no blame yourself for the ending, since it was he who ended it and never wanted to make it serious. He lied to you all the time, never wanted to be seen with you. This man does not deserve what you were giving him; and, you do not deserve the treatment he was giving you, either; you deserve a lot more.
If every morning you wake up devastated that the person you love won't be with you, as in this case, then the relationship damages you. Consider yourself lucky that this man is away, and live a life where he doesn't play a role. One fine day you'll wake up happy and be able to function without the heavy burden of thinking of him.
Take care, madam. Don't worry: one day you'll be over him. Just give it time.
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