A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in such an awkward and difficult position and would appreciate help from anyone, whatever advice it may be.I have just recently moved into a house with a guy who I didn't know so well before. (Him and 3 others). We met on a student house-share website, and I had been talking to him for about 2 months before we moved in, pretty much every day.When we first met, we immediately got on really well, and there was so much chemistry there, and although it was really silly to assume something could happen between us, knowing we would be living together, we both wanted to get to know each other, and it wasn't long before we were talking on the phone all the time, and he brought up the subject of a possible relationship.We moved into the new house, and the other flatmates didn't move in for another two weeks, so it was just me and him. The first few days were really nice. We went out together for dinner, we slept in the same bed for all that time, and we cooked each other meals and talked over candle-light. It was like we were an actual couple. It all happened so fast, and although it was weird as we knew so little about each other, it felt so right, and we didn't think twice about it.During this time, however, I started to discover things about this guy that I really didn't like, and which really put me off him. By the third day, we had started arguing, and one of these arguments went completely off the rails, leading to us both saying horrible things and sleeping in separate beds, to wake up the next morning completely ignoring each other.All this talk about him wanting to be with me and I found out that one night he went out with his friend, he spent the night with another girl, and lied. And he cancelled on meeting up with me to go out with his work-mates. These are a couple of the reasons why I could not see myself being with him.Although we have not had a chance to talk properly, he has told me that he has feelings for me but does not see himself being with me because he cannot give me what I need in a relationship. For some reason, I really miss him, can't stop thinking about him and I miss what we had. Though I don't like this new side of him that I have discovered.The other house-mates have moved in now, but it is very awkward. The guy lives in the room next door to me, and we although we have tried to be civil, I feel a burning resentment whenever I see him, and I feel that he has screwed up a really good chance of anything we could have had. I don't think he is a nice person at all.That being said, I have to live with him for a whole year, and I still have feelings for him.I think he knows how I feel, and although I tried to talk to him tonight about it, he said that he didn't have time and that he was going to bed.I don't think that we can be friends, although that is what he wants. Though, having said that, he still wants to sleep with me. And I'm scared that we will end up sleeping together, as those feelings are still there.My emotions are in such a mess right now, and I really just want to get him out of my head.Or, try to resolve this somehow. This is a dangerous game that I'm playing
View related questions:
flatmate, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both. And it is so helpful to hear this from a guy's point of view, and it actually really reminded me of him when I read that.
He's got all these books on 'the game' and kind of fancies himself as a bit of a player. He really thinks he can get any girl - though that is being a tad presumptuous. Lol.
If he insists on staying (though I doubt he will, as he was looking to move out around January), I will ignore him and play him at his own game. Keep myself busy.
I dont feel that Ive been burned by my own assumptions as the whole time he was trying to get me to be his girlfriend, and he tried really hard to impress me, kept telling me he hadnt felt this way for a long time, tried to be all 'gentleman' like, but I guess this may have just been part of a weird game he likes to play with women.
Anyway, I'm not going to think into it. I'm hoping that I can get over him, and that he will move out
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): I wouldn't move out if I was him. I live with a girl who I've not only hooked up with but I can probably hook up with again, a handy fallback chick I can get with while drunk if I don't score that night or just head on into her room at night for a cuddle.
I don't care about this girl or I would have been a bit more up front about what it was we were doing so I'm not going to get hurt or have any hassle over it. In my mind I did nothing wrong, I promised nothing and showed her a good time.
If hassle does occur I can use her feelings against her and just tell her I was in a bad place and that I've grown to like her, use her stress from upcoming exams mixed with a bit of alcohol to be "there for her" etc.
The other girls may be her friends but there's no harm in trying it on with them too, so maybe I will. For all their women stick together crap if I can work my magic and get one or both of them to like me, to the point where they'll take my side if they believe they can have me, then all that will go out the window because in my experience it's not hard to get girls to turn on each other, they're usually just waiting for an excuse to do so anyway.
What reason have I to move out? I have nothing to lose by staying and everything to gain, including angry sex, punishment sex, the chance at two other girls, the ego boost of seeing that girl likes me upset with me and letting me know I'm still the boss of her world.
Not my problem she got the wrong idea I never promised anything, she assumed our fling was something more. A rational discussion about assumptions and misinterpretations and I'm sure her friends are going to take a less severe view of what happened between her and if it suits me and she tries to start shit then I'll work it so she looks like the bad guy.
After all we weren't exclusive, I "assumed" we were on the same page or I tried to give it a go but it just didn't work out.
Let me ask you OP, are you prepared for these kind of games? Because that may well be what happens and I have to say OP, while you may feel hurt by the situation if I were him I wouldn't feel bad about what happened between us because you got burned by your own assumptions. You thought it meant something without making sure it would mean something beforehand and it that sense it wouldn't bother me in the slightest living with you, I get to have my ego stroked every time I see you and know I hit that, got mine and she's still so enamoured with how amazing I am that she can't let me go.
Look see what happens but if you're going to stay then you have to ride this out. Never, ever let him get his way with you or talk you around, keep your door locked at night, stay away from him as much as possible and keep the contact to a minimum. Don't let him any satisfaction here at all, be happy, enjoy your time at college and just let the fecker rot.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Hi
Aah if thats the situation he might do just that, he can move in with his friends~eventually and if none of you like him,he probably will.
One of you two has to go thats for sure! Are the others girls?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to everyone who has given advice. Although it would be such a good idea to live away from him, myself and the other two people who have moved here are all really good friends and this other guy is the only one who we didn't know before. I don't even think they like him to be honest.
I feel that they are my only friends and since I found this house and got everyone together, I feel like I would be letting them down if I moved away.
This guy doesn't even want to be here in the first place, shouldn't he be the one moving?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I agree. Find some place else to live. Even if you lose your deposit, peace of mind and a bright future are worth the price.
It wasn't just the jumping into bed together that hastened the demise, but rushing in to being a couple and all that implies. The quicker it starts the quicker it ends.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): I don't see what you think can be resolved.
Here's the scenarios:
1. You "resolve" this and come around to being friends. All that means is you'll constantly end up sleeping together after student nights out and while drunk because that's what he wants and you'll give it because you already admitted you like him enough to be used by him as you already have been.
2. You don't resolve this and you just remain in a cold war, slowly letting your resentment build and especially as you hear him shagging other girls in his room next door or getting with girls at parties in your house, overhearing his conquest stories. Which is also what you'll have to deal with even if number 1. is what happens.
3. You decide to give him what he wants and be his fuck toy in the hopes that he'll come around, which he won't. That's the worst scenario here to be honest you'll have to deal with all the issues of 1. and 2. but this one will really shatter your dignity and pride.
In summary, stay and hate him, stay and be used by him or find somewhere else.
In the future OP you need to do things the right way to get what you want. If you want a guy to be serious about you then you date him and get to know him before you end up jumping in bed with him and acting like a couple. Those are just flings, especially to us guys. You handed yourself to him on a plate and he got a practice run for what he's going to be doing all this year and he basically laid the ground work for a girl he can bone every now and again and brag to his mates about. His first conquest of the year.
I assume you too are a student, if that's the case OP what's more important to you getting this guy or succeeding in college because it's going a long tough year if you constantly have to deal with all your emotions for this guy, sitting in lectures pissed off because you're hungover and slept him with him the night before. Or didn't get much sleep because him shagging another girl kept you awake. Or upset because he told you he really likes you while drunk and you believed him.
Look at getting your deposit back and move in somewhere else OP. Otherwise this is just going to be a mess of a year, how are supposed to get him out of your head when you see him almost daily.
...............................
A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Well it does seem like the time you guys had together was a new and exciting thing and i'm guessing something new to both of you which is good.Obviously this didn't work out and he ended up being a bit childish over it. Maybe he did feel there was something together but as you guys couldn't resolve the issue perhaps he's felt there will never be a relationship after the short amount of time you guys had together you ended up arguing and then pretty much hating each other. Perhaps hate is too strong a word but you maybe are mad at each other that he doesn't want to work it out where as you do. He may feel he's a student and he's going to live his life now like you said he still wants to sleep with you but that isn't a great thing he's already slept with another girl he's probably trying new things with different girls see which one he likes, and maybe the only reason he says he likes you is because he wants to sleep with you to say he has done. He probably knows that if you guys slept together it'd mean more to you than to him but again it could go either way you guys could end up sleeping together and it's what you both want but atm i think he just doesn't want to be tied down to anything i think he likes the fact you like him and probably would want every girl he sees to like him who wouldn't like the feeling of someone fancying them, when you've got so much choice and so much time to choose.I'd leave him be i appreciate you have to live with him but play him at his own game ignore him you go out with your friends enjoy student life while you can party get drunk stay at a guys house if he contacts you then you blow him off.Play him at his own game see how he likes it.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 September 2012):
Hi
Tricky and awkward, personally I would move out, its not uncommon for housemates to find they dont get on so there could be others prepared to swap in various houses.
If its not possible because of the deposit situation you may have to put up with it for now until xmas,definately worth making enquiries though at the Uni they must get a few requests.
As for him,dont go there,he has probably got alot of 'playing' he wants to do and won't want a girlfriend to hold him back,hes been honest about that.Dont be tempted to sleep with him either as you will feel even worse
For now, if you keep away from him,keep busy with other stuff,new people, you will soon not bother about him so much..focus on your degree and your goals too,thats more important than one lad.
...............................
|
