A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really like this guy, I've been single for quite a while and this guy is the first that I've come across in a good while that I've thought "wow, I REALLY fancy you!" He delivers stuff once a week to my work, and I take in those deliveries. We chat, he seems a really lovely guy, ticks alot of my "boxes".A couple of months ago, in a general chit chat with my colleague, he said he had a girlfriend, in response to her asking him if he had any kids etc. (She's quite nosy lol).I get the vibe back from him that he's interested, but I've never been brave enough to ask him if he wants to go for a drink or anything, plus I don't know if he still has a girlfriend.How do I go about this??
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 Haha, thanks :)
Even if you don't see him before v-day you could always make a joke and ask what he got his GF...this one could work for a short while after v-day, so if you see him don't be afraid to ask.
The band's a good starting point to ask about music interests and upcoming gigs. But...don't get yourself invited to one of his shows...that way you won't know if he's interested or if he just wants more adoring fans...I would also stay away from being invited to concerts/etc with a group...again, you won't know if he's interested or if he thinks you'd be a good friend. You need to make it something where it's just you and him. It's hard to make suggestions without knowing the guy but I'm sure you'll figure it out.
Wish you all the best. I hope it works out :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLexie you are a genius!! You should write a book on this stuff :)
I know he is in a band, I have asked him before about it. He mentioned playing gigs but I didn't know how to work that into conversations around dates!
The valentines day question is brilliant, if I see him I will definately use that one!
We usually have about ten minutes or so to chat, enough to have a brief conversation :)
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (6 February 2010):
How long do you get to chat to him for? If you have the chance to engage in a conversation, even a short one, next time he comes to your work you could ask him what he's up to next weekend...v-day is on Sun and he might say I'm taking my GF out...to which you will know that he's off limits. If he doesn't say that but says something like drinks with friends etc...you can always push the envelope a bit further and say "what kind of guy are you, not taking your GF out on v-day?" Make it a joke. This should make him tell you whether he has a GF or not.
If he is single...go and get him. How? You need to build a common ground. Talk about weekend plans is always good to find out what people get up to outside of work. Find out what his interests are. Once you've found something you both like (foreign movies, dance music, etc) think of an event that's coming up and when you talk to him next mention the event, ask him if he's going and when he asks you if you are say that you'd love to but none of your friends are into that. If he's interested he should take the bait and say that perhaps you can check it out together. That way you lead him to asking you out...you haven't done any asking and you don't risk embarassment or rejection.
If you think that this is all too much work then just ask him for a drink after work. That is much quicker but if you don't like rejection or feeling embarassed this method is more risky, especially when you don't know if he's single or not. In the end though, you could just ask him out and whatever happens you'll know you had the guts to do it.
Good luck :)
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