A
male
age
36-40,
*organxx
writes:Hi everyone, I grew up in a VERY small, everyone knows everyone town. When I was 16 I started hanging around with the wrong kids and got into a lot of trouble. I got in to drugs, drank a lot and joined a gang. I was a little hell raiser that didn't care about anything or anyone. I was arrested several times for B and E and fights. Things got really bad when the group of friends I was with at a private house party gang raped a girl. We were all arrested, I DID NOT participate in it. I actually took off and ran out of the house scared shit less. Charges were later dropped against me but it was last straw for my family and my dad kicked me out. I moved 5 hours away with a friend of the family and got my life straight, I finished high school, I went to college. I have been clean for 5 yrs, I have the occasional drink but I know when to stop I have NO contact with any of my old friends at all. At christmas time I went home to visit my family and they seen how great I was doing and my dad asked if I wanted to move home and help him with his construction business. I have changed and my family sees that but a lot of people in my town still see the "old me" and even though charges were dropped against me, some people still say I raped a girl. I met this amazing girl, She is 21, sweet and just perfect. But her family hates me. I have met them and was nice, tired my hardest but she says they say I'm trouble. She really values their opinion and it is kinda causing problems for us. So I guess I am asking how I can show them and a few other people in this town that I did change. I'm not the jerk I was then, and that I really like this girl and would NEVER cause her any problems.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): The only way to prove to them you have changed is to show them, everyday. It is hard to change someones mind that has been made up for years, especially over such a strong and hurtful allegation. I understand where the family is coming from, but I also understand your position.
Also, do not fight with her about it. All the fighting in the world will not change the fact that she values her family's opinion NO MATTER WHAT. It will only pull the two of you apart and make her think her family is right, you are no good for her. Be there for her, show her you are understanding and compassionate, that you also respect her family but you want need her to understand you are hurt by the way they treat you for your past mistakes.
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