A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok is there anyway of getting this back... advice please!! Really liked this guy, he would always stop and chat to me as we work near eachother, he would stop his car to talk to me, flirt etc, this went on for a while ... the thing is i coould never be myself and think of anything good to say or come back with any wit as I liked him!! Anyway he carried on chatting and coming over, again i could never be myself which i am so annoyed about as i am quite a chatty outgoing person as he hasn't had the chance to see this! ... then he took my email one day and emailed straight away, we had banter but straight away he came in with all the innuendos ... anyway to cut a long story short after him tellig me he was gonna be lonely and needed ''tlc'' (don't know if he wanted me to reply saying ok i'll be over!!) but anyway ignored these, after a while of us texting and him never being able to have a 'norm' convo i told him straight that all the innuendos were getting too much. He said sorry. Since then I have seen him and he sent a msage straight away to me saying how good i looked and that i should meet him out at the weekend. By the way he is v confident and comes and prob a player, some of my messages i jhave been the last to reply, some of his to be true i have ignored but i think if he was interested he would keep the conversation going. So anyway my friend came down to visit and we eneded up going out, i told him i was out and havent heard anything since!! Is there anyway of me getting this back? I know i need to be myself and more confident!! Or have I ruined for good as it seems like he is no longer interested????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Men take sexual rejection as a total rejection of their affection and who they are. That's how men are wired, most of the men I know.
Sounds like this guy is a player but let's suppose (for the sake of argument) that he's not. In the future, you have to be super careful about this area of men's psyche--it's men's insecurity in the same way that women's weight are. Suggest that you go slow...but be careful about what can be interpreted as a total rejection of him.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (14 December 2009):
I think it sounds like you're plenty confident and you were probably more yourself than you think. Maybe you were a little more reserved than usual, but usually you can tell when someone has some personality.
Honestly, I don't think he really appreciates what you have to offer besides in bed. It really does sound to me that he's used to girls giving answers like you said when he says things like needing TLC. You didn't do that and you told him straight up you didn't like that. It sounds to me he just wants an easy lay and when he found out he actually has to work for it with you, he decided to find someone else who would be easier.
You don't need someone like him. He'll just charm you and then leave when he gets what he wants. There's better guys out there for you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 December 2009):
So he was being really sexual, you told him you weren't interested in just being sexual and he disappeared.
What you have had there is a lucky escape.
He would have used you and dumped you as it's clear he just wanted sex. If he liked you then he would have asked you out on a date.
As for how to be more confident then don't worry, we all get nervous when we like some one. You'd have loosened up when he took you out, but he never had the intention of doing that so it wasn't your fault.
Good Luck!! xx
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