A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,This feels really pathetic but any advice will help.Basically I’m messaging a girl who I met a few weeks back. She lives just over an hour away and i met her on a night out. Since then I went back the following weekend to see her and I said next time I’ll take her out for a proper date.Shes currently on holiday on a solo traveller thing for 2 weeks and I’ve messaged her each day. I feel it’s me who keeps the conversation going most of the time but I take into consideration she is on holiday with a group of other travellers with stuff already booked for most of the days so messaging isn’t really her top priority plus she around 5 hours ahead.Anyway as for the advice, we were talking on the weekend and she said she best her some sleep as she’s up early in the morning so I messaged back saying no worries at all hope you have an amazing day tomorrow and I look forward to seeing the photos.Next day I heard nothing back although she has read my message and I haven’t heard anything the following day either although she has been online and stuff. Basically I don’t know whether to message her again and see what’s she’s been up to, I don’t want to come across needy or intrusive or hassle her whilst she’s on holiday but then again I obviously want to keep in contact too so I don’t know what to do.Part of me feels like I should just leave it now and if she really was interested in me and wanted to meet up when she gets back then she’d message me back either whilst she’s on holiday or when she gets back (which is this weekend). But the another side of me is making me feeling I should message her again because I don’t want her to think I’m not interested.I feel I’m always chasing girls and I really don’t want to be that guy. Surely if she genuinely was interested she’d message me again or send me a Snapchat to spark a conversation again or something? Maybe I need a females perspective. I know it’s silly but I’m rubbish at the kinda stuff and I don’t want to put in effort if she won’t give it back.Thanks everyone in advance, I really appreciate any advice.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 February 2019):
 You sound really clingy. You just had a few dates with her, dont really know her well, and she's busy. Stop trying to make this into something it's not. If she wants to, she'll message you. Don't message her again unless she's reached out to you. You've already contacted her every single day!!! Its waaaaaay too much. If I were her I'd be running away fast, sorry. That's just too clingy and needy for my tastes. If you can't survive without contact from her for only two weeks, then it sounds like you're way too needy and should work on being able to breathe on you own and enjoy your own company.
If I were you, and had two dates and then my interest went on a two week vacation without contacting me, I'd simply stop reaching out and wait for them to come back. If they contact me when they're back, then we can pick it up. If they don't contact me, then who cares. You just went on two dates with her, it's not like she's your girlfriend or anything. You need to take a deep breath and step back.
Her not contacting you while on vacation doesnt mean she isn't interested in you, but why on earth should she use her vacation time on messaging some guy she barely knows? That's a waste of a vacation. If you were on vacation and being busy, Im sure you would NOT spend your time in the hotel texting a girl back home whom you barely know. Heck no. You'd be off enjoying life. There's plenty of time to get to know one another once she's back from vacation.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2019):
 Remember OP,
You can't clap with one hand. And you CAN'T make someone like you.
She knows you are keen.
You need to learn your own value. It's OK to give and take, but if you are ALWAYS chasing, ALWAYS giving.. it's just one sided and you don't want that.
And... OP if she isn't contacting you when she gets home, then maybe she wasn't for you. It happens. At least you know how to spot a girl you find interesting and attractive, so you CAN spot/find another.
Good luck :) I hope she calls/texts.
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A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx +, writes (19 February 2019):
 Let her enjoy the holiday, she may be the type of person that does not like constantly messaging and on top of that she might want to fully immerse herself in her travels.
As you already said it is only for 2 weeks, that time won't make you look disinterested at all, it would more likely come across as respecting her boundaries. If you message her it could make you sound needy and that can be a turn off for women.
Relax and enjoy some time to yourself, stop checking when she has been online otherwise it will eat at you and will make you feel anxious. When she is ready she will contact you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2019): Don’t worry just play it cool. Even when she respond back even though your not busy just play it cool and act as if you are. Don’t be too avaible to her. Everything will fall into place especially if she exchange contacts with you means shes interested. Just let her do her thing in the mean time. Remember play it cool, calm, and collective.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): Thank you so much for all the advice. You’re all completely right, I shouldn’t be bugging her whilst she’s away and I must admit if someone was constantly messaging me I suppose I would find it a bit annoying and needy after a while especially considering we don’t really know each other too well, wouldn’t be a very good first impression.I think maybe deep down I feel she probably won’t bother getting in contact when she’s back and that’s why I’m trying to hard to keep in contact now but if that’s the case then it wasn’t worth it in the first place. Hopefully she’ll prove me wrong but I think I will have to stay strong and leave the ball in her court. If I don’t hear from here when she gets back then that’s an obvious sign. I just hope she doesn’t think I’m not interested because I haven’t messaged her and that puts her off messaging me but that’s just a chance I’m going to have to take.Once again I really do appreciate the advice and I love the idea of the two magnets that honeypot mentioned :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2019):
Back off while she is away.
LET her enjoy her holiday with friends.
Go out with your own friend or get busy with work and hobbies.
SHE knows you are keen. So just leave the ball in her court.
TBH, while I'm NOT a big texter it would DRIVE me up the wall if I was busy (even with a vacation) and someone constantly texted me with UNIMPORTANT stuff. EVEN if I was interested in that person. I'd just feel they were acting needy or clingy.
IF she IS genuinely interested she WILL contact you. Either while still on holiday or when she gets home. I'd say get busy in the meantime so you have something to share too :)
If she doesn't contact you after the weekend, I'd chalk it up to HER not being interested and you needing to move on.
You haven't known her that long. So just try and relax and let it happen more organically or... not at all. A pushy guy or clingy/needy guy is just not super attractive.
Think of your self as a magnet for a second. You know how a magnet will push away another magnet if it's facing the "wrong" side? That is YOU chasing an uninterested girl. Now if SHE is interested and YOU are interested - there will be a balanced "need" to want to hang out and talk.
So relax.
And since you two barely know each other, IF she really does fancy you, give her some ROOM and TIME to miss you a tad. TO want to TALK to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): I agree with WiseOwlE. Be patient and don’t be so insecure. Confidence is the best way to charm a women and insecurity is the best way to push her away. Not messaging for 1 day in a new relationship is nothing to worry about. She’s probably having a good time and will get back to texting you soon. When I’m on holiday, I turn my phone off and I’ll reply when I’m back home.This is just my opinion but prying for intimate things like vacation photos and seeming too needy so early in your relationship could push her away. You’ve only met her a few times. Why should she owe you so much attention and thought? I understand you want to know you’re on her mind, but just worry about getting to know her for now. If you’re a good match, you will be on her mind more and more and she will share photos and stuff with you without you asking. Don’t be so impatient.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): She booked a 2-week holiday and she should be allowed to enjoy it. Don't be too anxious, you've only met a couple of times; and a long-distance romance may not be the forecast.
You don't just need a female's perspective. You need all the advice you can get. Always pursue advice from all perspectives; and you'll be better educated. You're a man; so you also need man to man advice as well. Usually your dad explains these things to his son.
She's just concentrating on her trip and doesn't feel obligated to reassure your insecurities or lead you on when she hardly knows you. Have patience, my young friend!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 February 2019):
 She’s on holiday, let her enjoy it.
Worry about picking things back up when she gets home. If she is interested, she will contact you. Stop chasing so hard!
If you can make the realisation that you’re putting all the effort in, then surely you can tell they’re not interested? Forcing conversation is one of the most offputting things in a potential love interest. I get that you’re keen but if it’s not happening naturally and she’s never getting in touch with you first then I’d give it up.
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