A
female
age
36-40,
*aith1110
writes:I am really hoping that you all can help me! Please! I am caught in the middle, You see what is happening is that I am 21, Single, no children and currently living with my parents, but I pay the Bills and I just recently started talking to a guy from my hometown and here he has a really bad rep. for Drug use and getting kinda crazy, He has 2 little boys (Which he takes care of)and hasn't been married(His Common-Law Wife left him for his Best Friend), And since I started talking to him he has been totally honest with me and hasn't said a single lie about his life! He tells me that he wants to be completely honest and doesn't want to screw thing up And when I talk to him he is and seems so relaxed and not out of the ordinary. Since we started talking we have found that we have many things in common without me teliing him. And her is the bigger problem...My mother doesn't approve of me talking or going out with him. She told me that I was 21 and free to do as i wish but I did not have her permission to go out with him, and for me not to count on her for anything anymore. I am so confused because I am the type of daughter that doesn't want to let mom down and i haven't so far but I just want her to give him a chance to get to know him and for her to see the guy that he presents to be with me. He has also cried and told me about how greatful he is that I came into his life just to listen to him and how he is really trying to get his life back on track and he asked me if I was willing to help him and I am all for it. But I really need advice on what to do with my mother!!!Please Help me!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): I think the other posters may be a little harsh.
A lot of people do change their lives and a lot of it is due to a person coming into their world and giving them some sense of purpose.
It's impossible to tell with you as we only see a snapshot of your life.
However, there is one thing I agree with all the others, you are only 21. Do you really want to be tied down with someone who the whole community doesnt trust, who has two kids and a history of drug abuse. I think its harsh to condemn someone with a history of drug abuse as reformed addicts are very worthwhile members of society. But it still comes back to your age for me, you are 21 for crying out loud, you should be living your life enjoying it, having fun and not being dragged through an emotional nightmare that taking up with this guy will prove to be. Your options will be limited, I think it is time to be a little selfish and look after your own interests first and foremost.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): well, a guy with 2 kids & all these issues is not what you need right now. You're young, live your life, date around..Don't get sucked into this cry for sympathy by some drugged out loser that has 2 kids already..trust me babe, if he has all these problems, do you honestly think that by you coming into his life he is just going to miraculously change into this perfect guy who never lies & who is an upstanding citizen? Give me a break, he is stringing you along because everyone else in his life probably gave up on him already & you're getting sucked into it by him crying & telling you this shit you think you want to hear. If your mom is so difficult, move out. You're 21, and you said you pay the bills, so why not do it on your own? As far as this guy though, he has a bad rep. for a reason, and it is not going to turn out the way you want it to in the end. Just save yourself some time & heartache & leave him to his own demises..date other guys who are decent & child free. You want a guy that you can start a family with some day, not some guy that already has kids & has to pay child support on them for 18 years. Hate to sound harsh but that's where it's at.
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A
female
reader, Faith1110 +, writes (2 October 2007):
Faith1110 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate you all for taking the time to help me and I really do Thank You! But I must mention that my mother is like this every single time that I talk to anyone an matter who it is...She will give me the whole silent treatment thing and be mad for any little reason with me or my 15yr. old sister...so do you all really think it's because of the way this guy is or is she doing this again. At this point I frankly am just tired of her doing this to me. Again Thank You for taking some time out of y'alls day and coming to my aid!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): You are probably not going to like what i have to say but listen to your MOM!!! They have been on this planet a lot longer than you and they have your best interests at heart. I can understand why you want to be with him - to a point!!! But he has a lot of baggage and stuff in the wake! Not an easy passage and you will feel weighed down by it all in time, not an ideal situation. He will need to spend some time with his kids, there is an ex to think about etc, all of these things never come with someone young, free and single. I can clearly understand your Mom feeling the way she does, she wants the best for her little girl and who can blame her. Think how you would feel in the future, if you had a daughter, wouldnt you want the best for her? Yes, of course you would. Dont alienate your Mom for having these feelings.
Step back and have a look at the situation and ask yourself if you really want to be there. Tell him you will help him as much as possible but you are only young and need a life also.
Have a word with your mom and point out how you feel and tell her (if it is true), that this is what you want.
But please be careful, dont get sucked into someone else's misery and drown, it can easily happen. What we can perceive to be Love can often turn out to be something else, quite different, when we are young, inexperience and very very vunerable. I do wish you well.
Take care and keep in touch.
xx
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