A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I just broke up. She had found out i sent some pictures to some girls a few months back. I tried to tell her that it really meant nothing which it did. but was just called a liar. I mean yeah i've thought about other girls in sexual ways but I don't have the guts or anything to ever cheat on her. We were together for 4 and a half years and I love everything about her. I was just really horny one night by myself had a pic on my phone of me went through my phone list attempted to send it to a couple of girls but i have a touch screen and some other girls that her and i both work with got it too. I apologized to them right away but still one of them told her. I really want her back and I understand she needs time. She doesnt feel she can trust me anymore. How do i get her back and regain her trust? I really had no intentions of cheating on her please help me. I really lover her.
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broke up, horny, liar Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Oooooh dear sounds like you blew it mate !! if the shoe was on the other foot there is nooo way you would forgive her, and after 4 and a half years together you totally disrespected her. If you didnt get caught you would have kept texting this other girl, so you're not really sorry you're just sorry you got caught. i don't think flowers are going to cut it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): i could really use some more advise. today i sent her flowers. she asked why i said because i wanted to send you flowers because i care and miss you so much. then she replies how do i know those arent just words. i told her you will just have to let me prove it! then she responds ok. what else can i do to make her and i work? please i really need help!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Are sexual life hadn't been the greatest. But then we would have spirts where we would make love every night of the week and then we'd go for weeks without any type of sexual activity at all. I guess i thought about other girls because i always felt she didn't want to do things like that. When we first started dating we were pretty active and i know after awhile you date someone the activities die down a little bit. but every time i would try anything it seemed as if shed never even wanted or thought about it. I know i messed up big time. but i do still love her and i will always. I love absolutely everything about her. Shes smart,funny,has a great smile with beautiful eyes. Not having sex hasn't bothered me as much anymore. I just want to respect her wishes and when she decides what she wants. i'll wait. in the mean time i will think long and hard about what i did and put some sense to it so i can tell her everything. I know it is basically cheating. but i still wouldn've done anything with either girl outside a picture.i was thinking of sending some roses to her for christmas. anybody fel that would be an ok thing to do?
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A
female
reader, preciouscrash +, writes (19 December 2010):
ok, i would like to help you. you sound sincere, nice and like you made a mistake that every man on this planet makes. i will tell you from experience she is very pissed off and will hold it against you for some time. my advice sit down and talk to her. let her know how much you love her and that what you did was an animalistic, unintelligent move and you feel more guilty about this than anything else in your life. Let her know that everyone does make mistakes and this is one that you learned a huge lesson from. Tell her you will tell her anything and everything she ever wanted to know. good luck to ya man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): If I were going out with you I'd have dumped you too! It didn't mean nothing, you deliberately sought to send sexually-motivated pictures to girls without her consent or knowledge. Sounds like you have a lot to learn about how to be in a loving relationship - if you loved her why did you do these things? She's way better off without you until you sort your shit out.
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A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Sending sexual photos and receiving others is cheating in my book. And obviously your ex's too. So treat it the same way, as if you had actually done something. You may not get her back, her trust in you is gone. Why did you think sending pictures of yourself wouldn't be cheating?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): so the co-workers were an accident my phone is touch screen and accidently selected them. the other two were random girls i never really talk to.
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A
male
reader, Sex_counsellor  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Firstly you should not be thinking about any other women in sexual ways whilst you are in a relationship. I suggest that you try and sit down with her and explain your self. Firstly tell her how much you love her and how sorry you are for hurting her, also try and explain to her why you felt the need for that - Is there an underlying problem in your relationship? If so this will need to be addressed before you would be able to look at regaining trust.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 December 2010):
 You not only damaged her trust in you. You also severely embarassed her at work. This looks almost unsalvageable. Convincing her you are not an idiot is going to be very hard. What you did was supremely offensive and disrespectful. She also had to mend fences with her co-workers. That must have caused a serious problem in her workplace.
I have racked my brain to think how you could even start to restore your standing in your former girl friends eyes.
1. Get rid of your fancy phone, replace it with the most basic model without a camera. Don't this alone will bring atonement though.
2. Volunteer at a charity for down and out homeless men. This is to do some good volunteer work in the community. Still do not this will be enough.
3.Stop trying to meet any women for the next 6 months. Not sure if 6 months is long enough, but thought you would freak out at 12 months.
4 do not look at any porn - same duration of absence as in (3) above.
5.write her a sincere letter now telling her all that you said in post above. Tell her you have plans, the results of which you will allow you to show her proof of in 6 months time. Ask if she will please wait for you?
6. Then in 6 monthes time write telling her all you have learnt and realised. Show her what you have started to do (1-4) above and ask her what else you need to do, to allow her to consider forgiving you.
It's a very tall order. To forgive what you did. All you can do is try
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