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*aabconvertable
writes:hi there! i have recently met this guy and we are seeing each other. He has told me he loves me and i the same. He has 3 boys 10,12 and 14 yrs. i have three boys from 18 to 25 and a daughter of 10. He has met them all. We have been seeing each other for about 5 weeks. Its unbelievable as i have no reason not to trust him at all. But i find myself texting him and nagging if he does not reply to me. i know he is busy as he works hard. i go to see him nearly every night.and leave early to get home as he leaves for work early and i have to be home to take my daughter to school. i sent him a text explaining that he had stopped texing me and i wondered why. That evening he called and we chatted for ages and he told me that he wants to spend the time he has with his boys just alone with them, as they are his children and that is just the way it is. He said he could not bring up anyone else child as it does not feel right, i explained that i do not want a father for my kids as they have a very good one. i am dissappointed as he asked if we should all go away together on holiday . now i dont know what he is trying to say? he like the relationship to be just us and then there are no hastles. i feel he feels the children of his may cause problems on his part. he is a great guy and we have just been to spain for 4 days. i never had to pay for a thing as he wouldnt let me. is it me just being a bit insecure after my divorce? please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): I am in the same age group as you and going through the same thing but feel as your partner does. I too have just gone through a divorce and feel pretty insecure but I feel like him. He has 3 kids and I have 2 but I only like it when it is just me and him with no hassles or interruptions. I don't want to be any kind of mother figure to his kids. I think what he is trying to say is that he wants just you and doesn't want to live in a house long term with you and your kids, all together. That is how I feel anyway. I also just like it when it is me and my kids and feel irritated when he texts or rings and wants to know what I am doing why I am not answering his texts etc.
I think that you are feeling insecure after the divorce and at the moment you require a great deal of reassurance -but I am not sure if this chap is the right one to give it to you. i don't want to hurt you but I don't feel that my relationship will work out long term as I couldn't bear his children with mine in a large house together so he may feel the same. I plan all activities so it is just me and him and if he does the same then you know it is not really going to work out long term as you would never choose it to be just you and him over your kids - and why should you! I would continue going out with him and having fun but keep in the back of your mind the fact that it may not work out long term. Also try not to ask questions such as 'why aren't you answering my texts etc' because it comes across as desperate and a bit needy and men can find that a real turn off.
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